You've nailed it. The observable behavior can look identical, the pause, the withdraw, the flat tone, but the root can be worlds apart. One is a nervous system that's hit its limit and is asking for safety before it can come back online. The other is a well-rehearsed interpersonal strategy that was learned because it worked before. The cleanest way I've found to tell them apart is to watch what happens when the pressure is off. A system that was truly overwhelmed tends to re-engage on its own once it feels safe again, often with relief. A learned pattern tends to hold the distance until the other person performs the expected repair move. And you're right to look at what came before. Was there a genuine build of sensory or emotional load, or was there a moment where a bid for connection was met with something that taught withdrawal was safer? That history is the real signal. The question that often cuts through it best is simple curiosity, not interrogation: "What would help you feel connected right now?" The answer to that tells you almost everything.