An election is like a gang of robbers invading a home, to play card games among themselves for shares in their bag of loot.

We The People aren't players, we're the deck of cards.

Make sure they draw as many dick-pic graffitos and jokers as possible.

Whatever cards they draw, a robber always wins, but on rare occasions we can arrange for the stupidest robber or the one least-liked by his peers to win. Mostly useless in itself, I acknowledge, but only mostly useless, and on rarer occasions it can make poisoning their wine or stealing the bag back easier.