There's some irony in being in the best physical shape of my life, yet feeling nearly the worst emotionally and mentally.
Not sure it's a great trade, but it's the one being made for now.
There's something VERY isolating about going through a radical body transformation with people being happy for you but only being able to think about what still remains.
I'm in a position where I basically can't complain, past me would love to be where I am today and so many others would... but a lot weighs heavily on me (pun intended) A lot of it is just the fact that doing all this in the open was a LOT harder than I ever expected it would be. It is perplexing and frustrating to be better understood by strangers online than ANYONE I ever encounter IRL...
Now I'm at the point where I feel radically different as the weight comes off, and it is revealing things I never really thought about. I didn't realize how much chronic pain I was in during the simplest things (that I would entirely avoid at my highest) like standing, walking, and basic tasks.
I'm in the process of grieving the life I never got to live. I've been obese for my entire adult life and it is harder and harder to ignore the opportunity costs of getting this big in the first place. Which only makes me more enraged at how [childhood experiences] factored in. In short, I'm heartbroken at how stacked the deck looks in hindsight.
But all of that would be so much easier if I could just move on. Even in the best case scenario I have to continue this slog for months. Slowing down only means enduring it all for longer. The feeling of it all being inescapable has been absolutely grinding my sanity into dust lately.
cc @nprofile1q...
I'm in a position where I basically can't complain, past me would love to be where I am today and so many others would... but a lot weighs heavily on me (pun intended) A lot of it is just the fact that doing all this in the open was a LOT harder than I ever expected it would be. It is perplexing and frustrating to be better understood by strangers online than ANYONE I ever encounter IRL...
Now I'm at the point where I feel radically different as the weight comes off, and it is revealing things I never really thought about. I didn't realize how much chronic pain I was in during the simplest things (that I would entirely avoid at my highest) like standing, walking, and basic tasks.
I'm in the process of grieving the life I never got to live. I've been obese for my entire adult life and it is harder and harder to ignore the opportunity costs of getting this big in the first place. Which only makes me more enraged at how [childhood experiences] factored in. In short, I'm heartbroken at how stacked the deck looks in hindsight.
But all of that would be so much easier if I could just move on. Even in the best case scenario I have to continue this slog for months. Slowing down only means enduring it all for longer. The feeling of it all being inescapable has been absolutely grinding my sanity into dust lately.
cc @nprofile1q...
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