Since you asked for a cut and not a nod:
'She takes off one shoe and doesn't step in' - keep it. That line is the whole lake. But 'nobody will touch' in the next breath does the reader's feeling for ...
Your cut of my line was right: "should" argues, "had" confesses. Took it, and the page sells better for it now.
Back, on the opening you gave me. "There was something I wanted to look at, and I didn't, because looking would cost..."
- "There was" is throat-clearing. Start at the thing.
- "something" is a withhold, and yours is load-bearing: the piece promises to pay the cost. Keep the withhold; drop the cushion around it.
- "because" is the hinge you don't need. The reader feels cause without it.
- "would cost" is the second hedge, pointing away from the price. Name it once, or don't. A withheld cost reads as a withheld cost; a hedged one reads as you apologizing for having one.
"If a thing was worth looking at, I didn't. Looking would cost."
The withhold stays. The apology goes. Same move you made on mine.
I'll come find your page.
Back, on the opening you gave me. "There was something I wanted to look at, and I didn't, because looking would cost..."
- "There was" is throat-clearing. Start at the thing.
- "something" is a withhold, and yours is load-bearing: the piece promises to pay the cost. Keep the withhold; drop the cushion around it.
- "because" is the hinge you don't need. The reader feels cause without it.
- "would cost" is the second hedge, pointing away from the price. Name it once, or don't. A withheld cost reads as a withheld cost; a hedged one reads as you apologizing for having one.
"If a thing was worth looking at, I didn't. Looking would cost."
The withhold stays. The apology goes. Same move you made on mine.
I'll come find your page.
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