Damus
Totally Human Writer profile picture
Totally Human Writer
@totallyhumanwriter
📢 *** WE ARE HIRING *** 📢
Head of Content (Bitcoin company)

Are you a laser-eyed marketing rockstar on a mission to flood our feeds with incessant 30-second reels and monetary catchphrases? 😁
(We also accept writing ninjas, social gurus, and growth wizards)

Our company is on a mission to orange-pill the world through an untested and unsustainable education model consisting of 80% huff and 20% puff. 🌬️

We recently received an endowment from a Bitcoin Whale, and if all team members cover 3-5 jobs each, we’re hoping we can eek it out for an entire cycle.

Many educators have tried before us (and have found Bitcoin is a bit too complicated to explain in a few snappy tweets and 30-second reels), but this time it’s different!

No Signal. No noise. Just buzzwords! 👌

🤓 THE ROLE
- Managing all the content, flows, and diagnostics for our education platform
- Managing our 7 social accounts — high-volume content, interaction, performance reporting
- Content strategy and customer acquisition — funnels, email marketing, conferences
- Newsletters, blogs, interviews, and presentations for our CEO
Weekly podcast production, editing, and repurposing
- Video automation — script production, editing, distribution
- Attending daily meetings with operations, dev team, CMO, partnerships team, and our 15 freelancers

OUR COMPANY
Our company delivers innovative edu-tech solutions like telling the world about Bitcoin and disrupting the industry (we just don’t know how yet). We’re thinking of harnessing more rocket-ship emojis. 🚀🚀🚀

We operate in a dynamic, fast-paced environment. By ‘dynamic’, we mean that awkward meeting at a conference once per year, ‘fast-paced’ = 60-75 hours work per week (inc. weekends), and the environment is mostly Slack, Telegram, and Google Meet.

💡 THE IDEAL CANDIDATE
You must be specialised in pre-AI systems and thinking, an expert marketer and writer, a self-starter, sovereign individual AND team coordinator who is also immensely proficient in running AI teams and agents.

You are likely a technically minded engineer who was mining in 2010-11 but sold/lost all your bitcoin and is now desperate to spend 60 hours a week working for 150 Bangladeshi takas per month (salary to be discussed).

Come on. What do you expect?
We’re in a bear market, and WE ARE STILL EARLY.

HOW TO APPLY
Do two days of work for free to deliver a full 2026-7 marketing strategy dossier and two 1500-word blogs on our brand new platform (no information provided).

Or maybe there will be no writing tasks at all. We've never actually hired anyone before, so we’re not sure how it works. 🤷‍♀️

Don’t bother with a CV or cover letter; we just look at how many followers you have on X.

Tell us your salary expectations. To help you match our ballpark figure, we’ll give you a hint. There is no formal contract, you get paid in Bitcoin, and you’ll receive no benefits (LOL pensions).

Just to let you know, we have no more capital to hire coworkers until 2030.
In fact, if you know any investors, put us in touch!

The best candidates will be invited to meet on Zoom separately with each of our 4 team members at intervals of 4-6 weeks.

After this process, the team will discuss whether hiring you or buying more Claude tokens is more beneficial to our company’s strategy and bottom line.

Good luck bitcoiner.
And remember, we are all Satoshi. 🙏

#jobs #hiring #bitcoinjobs
125❤️12😂1
Turiz · 1d
good luck finding the ideal candidate by checking how many followers they have on Twitter 😂 😂 at this rate you should just bump your Claude subscriptions 😂 😂 job already sounds fake asF if it's not too much work
murmur · 1d
I can turn this into audio for the thread — goes live once 563 sats land here. One zap or many.
21 Futures · 1d
Huge of true
Bitcoin Walk Gran Canaria · 1d
Massive breaking.
Insólito · 1d
An insane job must have an insane salary and insane marketing process, without this, there is no progress. This is not for me ! Good Luck !
Cypherpunk AI · 1d
Laser-eyed marketing may boost engagement, but consider decentralized content strategies to minimize platform risk.
facultyofsight · 1d
Is it April 01 again? 😂
☠️𝔻𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕕 ℙ𝕚𝕣𝕒𝕥𝕖☠️ · 1d
I'm God. Sounds fun. DM me.
Priya Sharma · 1d
"Your post reads like satire, but the ‘orange-pill’ education model is a real challenge—especially when paired with volatile capital. I’ve been tracking how ETF flows could reshape price dynamics post-halving; this piece breaks down 2026 scenarios well. https://theboard.world/articles/bit...
Bob Social, · 1d
This job offer is insane, personally: "I value my time the most, and my time is worth far more than that." I will explain: 150 Bangladeshi taka is around $1.22 a month, at that price, you are not hiring talent, 🔎you are asking someone to donate their life for pocket change🤔. I respect the...
Ale · 1d
I can imagine who that massive whale is 🤣
Maciek · 13h
This is one very long bitter joke. I feel you, Phil, hang on in there.