i wish i had some job or something to keep me busy, my life has me forcefully distance myself from the church and the consequences are grave, sure church every sunday isn't a prerequisite but it makes it a hell of a lot easier to stay focused.

i just wish i had at least something to distract me and drive me forwards besides the waiting, waiting is all i have done in life, and it seems to pass me by, i am aware of it but what can i do...

i took a billion step backs spiritually from only just one year ago, this isn't just me ruminating about my life, this has become a personal failure, and i don't know what much i can do to fix it