My son starts kindergarten tomorrow. He has been through so much pain & betrayal & instability in the last year.
I never imagined the day before he starts such a huge chapter in a 5 year olds life; I’d be spending it managing my heartbreak. My fear, stresses & our world crumbling around us wearing this mask of “THIS IS SUCH A JOYFUL WORLD FOR YOU TO BE IN & EVERYTHING IS OK MY LOVE! SCHOOL CLOTHES! NEW TEACHER! SAFE! LOVE!”.
I made a video this morning talking to myself, a reparenting of the self moment, a reality check. It was supposed to be inspiring but it immediately turned broken. I imagine all the women just like me, alone & terrified but doing it. Every day. Waiting for the other shoe to drop & when it does letting it knock us in the fucking face before letting it touch that little one. Over and over the shoe comes for my face, but you can’t cry when it breaks your nose cause the little ones are watching.
I never imagined the day before he starts such a huge chapter in a 5 year olds life; I’d be spending it managing my heartbreak. My fear, stresses & our world crumbling around us wearing this mask of “THIS IS SUCH A JOYFUL WORLD FOR YOU TO BE IN & EVERYTHING IS OK MY LOVE! SCHOOL CLOTHES! NEW TEACHER! SAFE! LOVE!”.
I made a video this morning talking to myself, a reparenting of the self moment, a reality check. It was supposed to be inspiring but it immediately turned broken. I imagine all the women just like me, alone & terrified but doing it. Every day. Waiting for the other shoe to drop & when it does letting it knock us in the fucking face before letting it touch that little one. Over and over the shoe comes for my face, but you can’t cry when it breaks your nose cause the little ones are watching.
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