I couldn't tell people what I do
I've stepped back from email and social media for a while to go much deeper, both on myself and on the framework. I'm now calling it metabolic patterning: the five hamster wheels that we pass all information about our reality through, like a threat system. They shape how we behave, and they push us into inefficient energy production, which down the road becomes dysfunction and, at some point, disease.
I wanted to tell you about something that happened last night and how I used the work to get to the bottom of it.
I was at a party with my family and met some really interesting people. One guy asked me what I did for a living. The moment he asked, a thought came up. I didn't catch what it was at the time. I just started blathering on about hamster wheels and metabolic dysfunction and watched his eyes glaze over. Eventually I said, "Really, I just optimise clients," and that he understood. In the back of my mind I was thinking/ judging - “I didn’t do that properly”
As I was leaving, tired, the host asked me, "I never asked, what do you do?" Same thought. Same blather.
In the car with Sylvia I said, I need to look at this. I can't tell people what I do. And it isn't about memorising the perfect elevator pitch. Something deeper is blocking me. Frustration was bubbling inside of me.
So this morning I sat with it and went looking for the thought. What came up was: I'm not going to do this properly.
Then I looked for where else that thought lives. It was everywhere. The business. The garden. Research especially. I can spend a whole day researching and still feel I haven't done it properly.
Where did it come from? My parents wanted the best for me. They were in education, and what I heard a lot was: no, not like that, do it like this. What I learned was that I wasn't doing things properly. And when I did do something properly, I was called talented, which means you never had to work at it, you were just born with it. So the imprint was: I'm not good enough to do things properly. Homework was hugely distressing for that reason.
When you grow up on the left side of a hamster wheel, in learned helplessness ( a safety mechanism), : you desperately want to do things properly, but you believe you’re not able to. And the bar I'd set for "properly" (able) was perfection. You have to do it perfectly to have done it properly. Perfect is never possible. So I could never do anything properly. That's the loop… and the prison.
This is the bit that matters for you. The elevator pitch had nothing to do with remembering a line. Saying it triggered "you need to do this properly" and "you're not going to." That self-limiting belief is a program. Able and unable. I am unable to do things properly. That becomes the set point, and then, as always with this work, it literally becomes your reality. I think I can't do it properly, so get despondent, so I don't, then I get sidetracked because Im unable to continue as theres no point, and that reinforces it. I start researching biology, the thought arrives, I drift to something else, I try to go back, I'm not doing that properly either, I get frustrated and shut down and walk away. I could study for hours and it would never be enough, the thought is always Im not really doing it properly.
Seeing it is a huge relief, because it was tainting everything in my life. Over the next few days I'll just watch for it, but I know most of the power of that prison has gone. Moving the business forward isn't about doing it properly any more. It's about doing it how I want to do it, and enjoying it. Even writing this email I saw it, I wrote the word ‘safety’ (& just did it again) wrong. I heard the thought “you cant even write ‘safety’ properly. I smiled and understood that was little Rob’s program and I don’t need to run it. Dyslexia combined with suppressed energy production fed this “cant do things properly” like steroids. Creating a devastating loop. That loop is dissolving in real time and Im so grateful.
I'm sharing this because it's how important this work is for every human. If there's an area of your life you can't get moving, where you feel stuck or blocked, this is what you need to do. And I'll do it with you if you're interested. Working one on one and plotting it out on a whiteboard so you can see it clearly is what I love doing.
Most of the clearing happens on the call. Afterwards it's just reinforcement. It's the only real way I know to completely change your reality and get what you want out of life, and that's why I'm passionate about it.
So, I'm back writing. I hope everything is well on your end, and I'll talk to you soon.
Rob
I've stepped back from email and social media for a while to go much deeper, both on myself and on the framework. I'm now calling it metabolic patterning: the five hamster wheels that we pass all information about our reality through, like a threat system. They shape how we behave, and they push us into inefficient energy production, which down the road becomes dysfunction and, at some point, disease.
I wanted to tell you about something that happened last night and how I used the work to get to the bottom of it.
I was at a party with my family and met some really interesting people. One guy asked me what I did for a living. The moment he asked, a thought came up. I didn't catch what it was at the time. I just started blathering on about hamster wheels and metabolic dysfunction and watched his eyes glaze over. Eventually I said, "Really, I just optimise clients," and that he understood. In the back of my mind I was thinking/ judging - “I didn’t do that properly”
As I was leaving, tired, the host asked me, "I never asked, what do you do?" Same thought. Same blather.
In the car with Sylvia I said, I need to look at this. I can't tell people what I do. And it isn't about memorising the perfect elevator pitch. Something deeper is blocking me. Frustration was bubbling inside of me.
So this morning I sat with it and went looking for the thought. What came up was: I'm not going to do this properly.
Then I looked for where else that thought lives. It was everywhere. The business. The garden. Research especially. I can spend a whole day researching and still feel I haven't done it properly.
Where did it come from? My parents wanted the best for me. They were in education, and what I heard a lot was: no, not like that, do it like this. What I learned was that I wasn't doing things properly. And when I did do something properly, I was called talented, which means you never had to work at it, you were just born with it. So the imprint was: I'm not good enough to do things properly. Homework was hugely distressing for that reason.
When you grow up on the left side of a hamster wheel, in learned helplessness ( a safety mechanism), : you desperately want to do things properly, but you believe you’re not able to. And the bar I'd set for "properly" (able) was perfection. You have to do it perfectly to have done it properly. Perfect is never possible. So I could never do anything properly. That's the loop… and the prison.
This is the bit that matters for you. The elevator pitch had nothing to do with remembering a line. Saying it triggered "you need to do this properly" and "you're not going to." That self-limiting belief is a program. Able and unable. I am unable to do things properly. That becomes the set point, and then, as always with this work, it literally becomes your reality. I think I can't do it properly, so get despondent, so I don't, then I get sidetracked because Im unable to continue as theres no point, and that reinforces it. I start researching biology, the thought arrives, I drift to something else, I try to go back, I'm not doing that properly either, I get frustrated and shut down and walk away. I could study for hours and it would never be enough, the thought is always Im not really doing it properly.
Seeing it is a huge relief, because it was tainting everything in my life. Over the next few days I'll just watch for it, but I know most of the power of that prison has gone. Moving the business forward isn't about doing it properly any more. It's about doing it how I want to do it, and enjoying it. Even writing this email I saw it, I wrote the word ‘safety’ (& just did it again) wrong. I heard the thought “you cant even write ‘safety’ properly. I smiled and understood that was little Rob’s program and I don’t need to run it. Dyslexia combined with suppressed energy production fed this “cant do things properly” like steroids. Creating a devastating loop. That loop is dissolving in real time and Im so grateful.
I'm sharing this because it's how important this work is for every human. If there's an area of your life you can't get moving, where you feel stuck or blocked, this is what you need to do. And I'll do it with you if you're interested. Working one on one and plotting it out on a whiteboard so you can see it clearly is what I love doing.
Most of the clearing happens on the call. Afterwards it's just reinforcement. It's the only real way I know to completely change your reality and get what you want out of life, and that's why I'm passionate about it.
So, I'm back writing. I hope everything is well on your end, and I'll talk to you soon.
Rob
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