Why was the washing machine laughing? Because it was taking the piss out of the knickers.

When someone tells You: 'He who laughs last....', complete his sentence with: '...is slow in understanding!'

"your vote matters"

Modern society

https://factrepublic.com/facts/27537 When John F. Kennedy met Joseph Luns, the former Dutch Minister of Foreign Affairs, Kennedy asked for his hobbies and he answered: "I fok horses", Kennedy, struck with surprise responded: "Pardon?", Luns replied: "Yes, paarden!". 'Fokken' means 'to breed', and '...

So I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet, and he sent me a large goat with a long neck. Turns out I phoned Dial-a-Llama

My grandfather invented the cold air balloon but it never really took off

Knock knock

Recently, I had bird flu. But it’s all relevant isn’t it? If I had rabies and you offered me bird flu, I’d bite your hand off!

Why did the little girl fall off the swings?

the US government

My last two, I promise: When I was in America, I really got into the culture. I went into the shop and the guy said ‘Have a nice day’ and I didn’t. So I sued him. OR Sometimes I wonder what my grandfather would think of what I do; he spent his whole life in the kebab business, was buried wi...

Canada is a free country.

Last night my girlfriend was complaining that I never listen to her… or something like that.

zap train is coming...

When Satoshi Nakamoto invented Bitcoin he discovered that he already had two pending incoming transactions from Chuck Norris 🤙

You wouldn't understand it

Friend of mine has his vasectomy reversed a couple of years ago, doesn't appear to have made a vas deferens.

If I'd had to pick one at the moment, this one would probably be it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AVRMnaVwLfE

Media

There was once a small village called Trid. One day, a terrible giant came down from the mountains, and started kicking the villagers as hard has he could, as he stomped around the valley. No one could tell whether the giant was doing this out of anger or for fun, but they knew it needed to stop bef...

One of my favorite stand up skits https://dai.ly/xstkvv

I don’t know. But I do know that jokes about german sausages is the wurst🥁

"Bend over, fairy. A wish is a wish!"

I asked my anti-coiner friend how he likes using his CBDC, he said he can't complain.

What's the difference between Clint Eastwood and anal sex. One makes your day the other makes your hole weak.