When you put it like „What if someone you loved died?“ you are telling your listener that he is doing something wrong. It would be easier if you talk about yourself „What if someone I like, like you, died? …“ and convince him that your point is valid in your case, and he does not have to endure pain from now or be an idiot. Also, address that there are boundaries: „If had to go through thorax surgery I‘d make an exemption.“ If you put it like that you should be called „masochist“ less often.