Everyone I loved before you ended up hating me and I guess you will too.

Maybe if I played my cards right, you would have just stayed "neutral" to the end, somehow neither hating me nor the people killing me. I don't know, I can't understand it.

Maybe if I could pretend we were friends for long enough, you would have started hating them instead of me. You seem that different from everyone else. Maybe I should have tried harder to "fake it until I make it." I wish I still could.

I assume you have an explanation that will send me completely back to dark days and you've never explained because you don't hate me yet and you knew it was helping me so much to have some time thinking this was real. Thanks for making it feel real as long as you did. I'll take any explanation you have, it doesn't matter to anyone except maybe you what it does to me.