Nostr is simply a bad fit for DM's, or any ''encrypted privacy'' thing in general, except for encrypted content for personal use ( encrypted lists, settings etc.).

We know what the landscape of trade-offs are, and we simply are unable to get a consensus on what trade-offs we make collectively. Some standard can exist, and then some group of people has a bias against that decission because they prefer to make another trade-off instead, and they make this ''new'' thing; and then that new thing will run into the inevitable limitations which spurrs people to make ''another new'' thing to cover those issues, making different trade-offs; and then other people are dissatisfied with those trade-offs and then decide to make ''yet another new thing'' and round and round we go.

The truth is, non of these ''new'' things are actually all that ''new''.....we sort of knew of their possibility before or in some cases they have already been tried (mostly outside of Nostr i mean) but people ignore that history.

You can have this long list of demands as to what attributes it all has to have, but that does not mean that ask is actually reasonable and won't make it magically possible.