Stolen: "Don’t move to Missouri. There’s nothing to do here and ticks everywhere. Poison ivy, snakes, mountain lions, and wolf/coyote hybrids are around every turn. Civil war ghosts wander the woods and you can’t take a hike without disturbing a Native American burial ground and incurring a curse on your entire household. We are under constant threat of tornado and flood.
With the weather warming up, you may hear rumors of people having fun on rivers and it’s very important you stay away!"