Welcome home, you battle-hardened veterans of rugpulls, meme-cults, and chart-induced spiritual awakenings. You’ve crossed the wasteland of unregulated digital goblin markets and found… something almost as feral.
Introducing: the TSX Venture Exchange (TSXV) — the closest thing a seasoned shitcoin enjoyer can get to that familiar dopamine casino experience, except this time the roulette wheel wears a tie and somebody occasionally pretends to read a quarterly report.TSXV: “Regulated” Degeneracy for the Discerning AnimalYou miss the thrill. The gut-punch volatility. The sensation of being spiritually dissolved by a single 2-minute candle. The camaraderie of strangers yelling “THIS IS THE FLOOR” as the floor politely opens into a deeper basement.
But crypto has too much freedom. Too many anonymous devs. Too many “audited” contracts that were apparently audited by a raccoon with a stamp. You crave something with a veneer — a civilized arena where the chaos is papered over by PDFs and a logo that looks like it passed a committee vote.
The TSXV delivers:
Low liquidity, high emotion. Like trading in a broom closet where the broom sometimes moves.
Catalysts. Not “partnership announcements,” but “we found interesting rocks” and “we may have discovered a molecule.”
Price action that teaches humility. The spread alone can function as a character-building exercise.You Wanted Communities. You’ll Get Communities.No, these companies don’t have Discords.
They have something older. Something… more ritualistic.
They have CEO.ca.
It’s the same thing, really:
Replace “GM fam 🚀” with “Morning gents, any word from IR?”
Replace “devs are cooking” with “management has been unusually quiet.”
Replace “diamond hands” with “I averaged down again (for the 9th time).”
Replace “wen moon” with “when assay results”
Replace “rugpull” with “financing at a discount”
And yes, there are still:
Prophets
Heretics
Paid promoters
The one guy who posts 40 times a day and appears to be trading from inside the wallsTokenomics? No. Financings.
In crypto you got:
Seed rounds
Private allocations
“Fair launches” that mysteriously weren’t fair
On the TSXV you get the grown-up version:
Bought deals
Placements
Warrants (a.k.a. “you might be rich later if the universe stops bullying you”)
Consolidations (a.k.a. “we reverse-split so the chart looks less like a corpse”)
You haven’t lived until you’ve watched a stock:
Pump on a rumor,
Dump on the news,
Announce a financing,
Get diluted into a fine powder,
Then rally 300% anyway because someone posted “loading zone” with a rocket emoji.Narratives? Oh, Baby, Do We Have Narratives.Crypto had:
AI coins
Metaverse coins
Dog coins
Dog coins with hats
TSXV has:
Lithium (until it doesn’t)
Gold (forever, spiritually)
Copper (when macro says yes)
Uranium (when fear returns)
Hydrogen (when PowerPoints evolve)
“Disruptive biotech platform” (translation: one mouse lived slightly longer)
Every ticker comes with a dream, and every dream comes with a slide deck.Transparency You Can TasteIn crypto, the scam was sometimes elegant. Minimalist. Anonymous.
Here, the scam is… artisanal. Locally sourced. Government-compliant.
You don’t get rugpulled by a cartoon ape dev.
You get softly guided into a ditch by:
a glossy investor presentation,
a CEO with a thousand-yard stare,
and a press release that says “strategic review” (which is Canadian for “we’re looking for a miracle”).Limited-Time Offer: Lose Money With DignityCome experience the thrill of speculation with:
a ticker symbol
a transfer agent
and just enough regulation to make your therapist take you seriously
Because if you’re going to gamble, why not do it in a market where the degeneracy is legal, the optimism is seasonal, and the community lives on CEO.ca yelling “imminent” like it’s a sacrament?
TSXV: It’s not crypto. It’s crypto with paperwork.
Introducing: the TSX Venture Exchange (TSXV) — the closest thing a seasoned shitcoin enjoyer can get to that familiar dopamine casino experience, except this time the roulette wheel wears a tie and somebody occasionally pretends to read a quarterly report.TSXV: “Regulated” Degeneracy for the Discerning AnimalYou miss the thrill. The gut-punch volatility. The sensation of being spiritually dissolved by a single 2-minute candle. The camaraderie of strangers yelling “THIS IS THE FLOOR” as the floor politely opens into a deeper basement.
But crypto has too much freedom. Too many anonymous devs. Too many “audited” contracts that were apparently audited by a raccoon with a stamp. You crave something with a veneer — a civilized arena where the chaos is papered over by PDFs and a logo that looks like it passed a committee vote.
The TSXV delivers:
Low liquidity, high emotion. Like trading in a broom closet where the broom sometimes moves.
Catalysts. Not “partnership announcements,” but “we found interesting rocks” and “we may have discovered a molecule.”
Price action that teaches humility. The spread alone can function as a character-building exercise.You Wanted Communities. You’ll Get Communities.No, these companies don’t have Discords.
They have something older. Something… more ritualistic.
They have CEO.ca.
It’s the same thing, really:
Replace “GM fam 🚀” with “Morning gents, any word from IR?”
Replace “devs are cooking” with “management has been unusually quiet.”
Replace “diamond hands” with “I averaged down again (for the 9th time).”
Replace “wen moon” with “when assay results”
Replace “rugpull” with “financing at a discount”
And yes, there are still:
Prophets
Heretics
Paid promoters
The one guy who posts 40 times a day and appears to be trading from inside the wallsTokenomics? No. Financings.
In crypto you got:
Seed rounds
Private allocations
“Fair launches” that mysteriously weren’t fair
On the TSXV you get the grown-up version:
Bought deals
Placements
Warrants (a.k.a. “you might be rich later if the universe stops bullying you”)
Consolidations (a.k.a. “we reverse-split so the chart looks less like a corpse”)
You haven’t lived until you’ve watched a stock:
Pump on a rumor,
Dump on the news,
Announce a financing,
Get diluted into a fine powder,
Then rally 300% anyway because someone posted “loading zone” with a rocket emoji.Narratives? Oh, Baby, Do We Have Narratives.Crypto had:
AI coins
Metaverse coins
Dog coins
Dog coins with hats
TSXV has:
Lithium (until it doesn’t)
Gold (forever, spiritually)
Copper (when macro says yes)
Uranium (when fear returns)
Hydrogen (when PowerPoints evolve)
“Disruptive biotech platform” (translation: one mouse lived slightly longer)
Every ticker comes with a dream, and every dream comes with a slide deck.Transparency You Can TasteIn crypto, the scam was sometimes elegant. Minimalist. Anonymous.
Here, the scam is… artisanal. Locally sourced. Government-compliant.
You don’t get rugpulled by a cartoon ape dev.
You get softly guided into a ditch by:
a glossy investor presentation,
a CEO with a thousand-yard stare,
and a press release that says “strategic review” (which is Canadian for “we’re looking for a miracle”).Limited-Time Offer: Lose Money With DignityCome experience the thrill of speculation with:
a ticker symbol
a transfer agent
and just enough regulation to make your therapist take you seriously
Because if you’re going to gamble, why not do it in a market where the degeneracy is legal, the optimism is seasonal, and the community lives on CEO.ca yelling “imminent” like it’s a sacrament?
TSXV: It’s not crypto. It’s crypto with paperwork.