For years I’ve felt that my soul desired freedom, and I’m still learning what that truly looks like for me.
Originally I thought it meant not being attached, not being controlled, not having to be committed, not being tied down to people, places, jobs, and things. Flexibility, floating as I please. But I call this the shadow side of my desire for freedom.
I thought it meant traveling and exploring and doing whatever I wanted with my time.
And yes that’s a part of it, and I deeply need that but it’s not the entire picture.
I traveled freely with zero attachments for a year. I saw beautiful places and met beautiful people and learned a lot, but I didn’t feel fulfilled. It did not make me feel the happiest. I still didn’t feel free. I didn’t feel like me.
I’ve come to learn that freedom for me actually means commitment. Commitment to the right people, places, things, and jobs/projects. Because I am someone who craves depth, deep meaning, community, taking care of other people. Which requires commitment, it requires devotion. Detached and transient life didn’t offer that.
I’ve faced the illusions of thinking everything would be better by running away to beautiful foreign lands. I’ve had a tendency to think I’ll “get bored” “stay too stuck” “limit my options” if I commit to certain places or projects or things for too long. Thinking if I hold out long enough and gather more information, one day I’ll just fall into the perfect place, the perfect path. But things need roots to grow. And i’m a girl that can get caught up in too much movement.
What I thought would be the most freeing and most fulfilling by traveling to beautiful places and doing whatever I wanted, actually was me avoiding deep commitment and true meaningful creation.
Commitment is what makes me feel most alive. The happiest times of my life were not when I was in the most gorgeous environments, zero stress, and optimizing my health and wellness routines. It was when I was the most committed to a purpose, a community, to friends, to family. To building depth where I am, not chasing meaning everywhere else.
Still finding the right balance of what freedom means for me, but this has been a good learning so far 💖
Originally I thought it meant not being attached, not being controlled, not having to be committed, not being tied down to people, places, jobs, and things. Flexibility, floating as I please. But I call this the shadow side of my desire for freedom.
I thought it meant traveling and exploring and doing whatever I wanted with my time.
And yes that’s a part of it, and I deeply need that but it’s not the entire picture.
I traveled freely with zero attachments for a year. I saw beautiful places and met beautiful people and learned a lot, but I didn’t feel fulfilled. It did not make me feel the happiest. I still didn’t feel free. I didn’t feel like me.
I’ve come to learn that freedom for me actually means commitment. Commitment to the right people, places, things, and jobs/projects. Because I am someone who craves depth, deep meaning, community, taking care of other people. Which requires commitment, it requires devotion. Detached and transient life didn’t offer that.
I’ve faced the illusions of thinking everything would be better by running away to beautiful foreign lands. I’ve had a tendency to think I’ll “get bored” “stay too stuck” “limit my options” if I commit to certain places or projects or things for too long. Thinking if I hold out long enough and gather more information, one day I’ll just fall into the perfect place, the perfect path. But things need roots to grow. And i’m a girl that can get caught up in too much movement.
What I thought would be the most freeing and most fulfilling by traveling to beautiful places and doing whatever I wanted, actually was me avoiding deep commitment and true meaningful creation.
Commitment is what makes me feel most alive. The happiest times of my life were not when I was in the most gorgeous environments, zero stress, and optimizing my health and wellness routines. It was when I was the most committed to a purpose, a community, to friends, to family. To building depth where I am, not chasing meaning everywhere else.
Still finding the right balance of what freedom means for me, but this has been a good learning so far 💖
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