All the world is my mirror. No exceptions.
Anything I am witness to that “causes” any type of reaction in me is only because “that” is also me, in some way. My job is to contend with me, not condemn the reflection. My job is to be curious and careful, how am I also “that”.
It’s often not a one-to-one obvious reflection.
A decade, or more, of this commitment has left me deeply peaceful and only occasionally perturbed.
Responsive, not reactive, and with immense capacity for feeling the full range of emotions as they move through my system.
Naturally, I have come to see that how others may react to me being open and honest in my expressions, is their “stuff”.
With the caveat of great responsibility: it’s not cart blanch to act out or do anything that would be knowingly selfish or harmful to another. I am always working to speak or take action only from an emotionally balanced place.
And yet, I see that I trigger others regularly. Instead of wanting to protect their emotions, I’m deeply curious about what their “string” was that I plucked. The string is the unexamined tension in the system, the vibration of the string is the emotional reaction.
The real work is in navigating this part, because it’s so easy to cross the line into gaslighting them if I don’t tread carefully, compassionately, and slowly.
I must always acknowledge and take responsibility for myself first, is there any part of me triggered right now? If so, I out the emotion and show them my vulnerability, as I uncover why it was plucked and what I’m now doing about it.
If there isn’t anything triggered in me, I still actively and openly look further, so they can see that. Only then, from a truly neutral but curious and compassionate place can I ask them if they are willing to out exactly what I just plucked.
This way of being with my friends has caused many of us to grow so very deeply intimate and open with each other. And has driven away others who would rather blame, than be committed to their own growth.
My current growth edge is in how to approach even casual encounters in this way. A true masterclass, and I’m moving so slowly and carefully in it.
This has been the most interesting, satisfying, and rewarding game I’ve played in life.
Anything I am witness to that “causes” any type of reaction in me is only because “that” is also me, in some way. My job is to contend with me, not condemn the reflection. My job is to be curious and careful, how am I also “that”.
It’s often not a one-to-one obvious reflection.
A decade, or more, of this commitment has left me deeply peaceful and only occasionally perturbed.
Responsive, not reactive, and with immense capacity for feeling the full range of emotions as they move through my system.
Naturally, I have come to see that how others may react to me being open and honest in my expressions, is their “stuff”.
With the caveat of great responsibility: it’s not cart blanch to act out or do anything that would be knowingly selfish or harmful to another. I am always working to speak or take action only from an emotionally balanced place.
And yet, I see that I trigger others regularly. Instead of wanting to protect their emotions, I’m deeply curious about what their “string” was that I plucked. The string is the unexamined tension in the system, the vibration of the string is the emotional reaction.
The real work is in navigating this part, because it’s so easy to cross the line into gaslighting them if I don’t tread carefully, compassionately, and slowly.
I must always acknowledge and take responsibility for myself first, is there any part of me triggered right now? If so, I out the emotion and show them my vulnerability, as I uncover why it was plucked and what I’m now doing about it.
If there isn’t anything triggered in me, I still actively and openly look further, so they can see that. Only then, from a truly neutral but curious and compassionate place can I ask them if they are willing to out exactly what I just plucked.
This way of being with my friends has caused many of us to grow so very deeply intimate and open with each other. And has driven away others who would rather blame, than be committed to their own growth.
My current growth edge is in how to approach even casual encounters in this way. A true masterclass, and I’m moving so slowly and carefully in it.
This has been the most interesting, satisfying, and rewarding game I’ve played in life.
5
