@7f766a7dfd7ea23ffc24c7b27da138e8d81d1d0b3ca45c5da1a10e9d0778f5dc
Flesh and blood, 46 years
No relay list published yet.
Recent Notes
That resonates, I like that you make the journey and personality your own not relying on someone's interpretation. I know that religion was quite suppressed during communism, so when you went to the c...
I would agree with you that I experienced a contracted version of Christianity.
After I left, to continue my journey alone, I did grasp at other religions for some sense of structural stability. I studied a number of them, large and small, and attended the various gatherings. Each rasped against my spirit in the same way Christianity had. After each attempt the quiet whisper became a little more obvious and was saying something like “what you seek is not in religion, it’s an absolute surrender.” A trust fall into the vast bottomless unknowable.
In comparison to that, every ‘ism’ or ‘anity’ is contractive, limited, and acts as an intermediary.
I suspect anyone who’s had a profound moment that led to a conversion or dedication to any religion, had exactly that experience of unbounded, surrendered ‘isness’, ‘forgiveness’, and ‘innocence’. But the mind is so quick to try and label and understand and attach to something in the world as the cause, or the way to ‘get back to that experience’.
After I left, to continue my journey alone, I did grasp at other religions for some sense of structural stability. I studied a number of them, large and small, and attended the various gatherings. Each rasped against my spirit in the same way Christianity had. After each attempt the quiet whisper became a little more obvious and was saying something like “what you seek is not in religion, it’s an absolute surrender.” A trust fall into the vast bottomless unknowable.
In comparison to that, every ‘ism’ or ‘anity’ is contractive, limited, and acts as an intermediary.
I suspect anyone who’s had a profound moment that led to a conversion or dedication to any religion, had exactly that experience of unbounded, surrendered ‘isness’, ‘forgiveness’, and ‘innocence’. But the mind is so quick to try and label and understand and attach to something in the world as the cause, or the way to ‘get back to that experience’.
Isn't it the case that when you already live in a largely christian community you sort of get the gist of bible by osmosis? Does actually reading it change you view of the world in the most massive wa...
At the urging of my uncle I began reading the Bible every day, twice a day. I was 12 years old when I began.
I would read and then pray and contemplate.
I read and contemplated so much more than was ever discussed in my church, family, or community.
Over the next 6 years, until I graduated high school, I read the Bible cover to cover twice, and then the New Testament 3 more times.
One of my daily prayers was to be given the wisdom to understand. In time I started noticing that my interpretations weren’t always the same as everyone else’s.. but in my heart I knew they were for me.
By the time I was in my early twenties I stopped going to church. It was clear to me that I the God I knew was taking me beyond the community. It was so disorienting at scary at first. But in time as my intimacy and understanding continued to develop and expand I knew I was on the right path.
By the end of my twenties I could no longer call myself a Christian. I couldn’t abide by the label or all that came with it.
My journey has been deep and dark at times, and yet my intimacy and faith has only grown more rapidly than I could have ever imagined.
My understanding has overlaps with Christianity. I absolutely love and continue to model myself after Jesus. But my understandings are often heretical, and are impossible to unsee for me.
So should you read the Bible for yourself?
I believe so, and do so without letting any man, woman, or institution tell you how you should interpret it. Let only God speak to you through it.
I would read and then pray and contemplate.
I read and contemplated so much more than was ever discussed in my church, family, or community.
Over the next 6 years, until I graduated high school, I read the Bible cover to cover twice, and then the New Testament 3 more times.
One of my daily prayers was to be given the wisdom to understand. In time I started noticing that my interpretations weren’t always the same as everyone else’s.. but in my heart I knew they were for me.
By the time I was in my early twenties I stopped going to church. It was clear to me that I the God I knew was taking me beyond the community. It was so disorienting at scary at first. But in time as my intimacy and understanding continued to develop and expand I knew I was on the right path.
By the end of my twenties I could no longer call myself a Christian. I couldn’t abide by the label or all that came with it.
My journey has been deep and dark at times, and yet my intimacy and faith has only grown more rapidly than I could have ever imagined.
My understanding has overlaps with Christianity. I absolutely love and continue to model myself after Jesus. But my understandings are often heretical, and are impossible to unsee for me.
So should you read the Bible for yourself?
I believe so, and do so without letting any man, woman, or institution tell you how you should interpret it. Let only God speak to you through it.
And deep awareness of my entire body and emotional system. As well as subtle energetic system.
When I first started this practice, all those years ago, I had no access or awareness of anything but my thoughts. It took an initial process of asking a series of questions to even get the first inkling of awareness of “myself” beyond my thoughts.
Though once I started sensing my greater system I became absolutely obsessed. The things I began to uncover and contend with, then get freedom from, were stunning.
I dropped out of society, relationships, and spent about14 hours a day in this meditative/contemplative practice for three years.
I started the journey deeply uncomfortable with myself and life. Depressed, anxious, contracted, in constant dread, and ready to check out.
On the other side of that multi year deep dive I was liberated from the worst of that. Interested in life again, and able to rejoin society. Little did I know that was only the beginning!
Those next handful of years were like jet fuel to the process. I had to meditate frequently throughout the day, to contend with all the new “strings” that were being plucked.
But in time the frequency and amplitude of those disruptions grew ever more gentle. Until one day I was laying in bed and realized it had been days, or even weeks since the last time I had been significantly triggered.
This is such a freedom.
When I first started this practice, all those years ago, I had no access or awareness of anything but my thoughts. It took an initial process of asking a series of questions to even get the first inkling of awareness of “myself” beyond my thoughts.
Though once I started sensing my greater system I became absolutely obsessed. The things I began to uncover and contend with, then get freedom from, were stunning.
I dropped out of society, relationships, and spent about14 hours a day in this meditative/contemplative practice for three years.
I started the journey deeply uncomfortable with myself and life. Depressed, anxious, contracted, in constant dread, and ready to check out.
On the other side of that multi year deep dive I was liberated from the worst of that. Interested in life again, and able to rejoin society. Little did I know that was only the beginning!
Those next handful of years were like jet fuel to the process. I had to meditate frequently throughout the day, to contend with all the new “strings” that were being plucked.
But in time the frequency and amplitude of those disruptions grew ever more gentle. Until one day I was laying in bed and realized it had been days, or even weeks since the last time I had been significantly triggered.
This is such a freedom.
1
Great question Nathan. I’m going to move quick, please inform me where you may need expanded explanation.
So one thing I’ve learned is it’s almost never actually about the specific content, it...
And so, to answer your question more directly “when do we stop interrogating reflections and start recognizing deliberate smoke?”
In this case, I would only change my behavior towards the reports after I can’t find any more charge around them.
I know for myself the reaction to the smoke would only be the first layer, or the first approach, there would likely be more.
And I’m happy to explore this with you if you need help discovering the next one after this first one is discharged.
In this case, I would only change my behavior towards the reports after I can’t find any more charge around them.
I know for myself the reaction to the smoke would only be the first layer, or the first approach, there would likely be more.
And I’m happy to explore this with you if you need help discovering the next one after this first one is discharged.
"Your mirror analogy resonates—especially in intelligence work, where threat analysis often reveals uncomfortable parallels in our own systems. That said, some reflections are deliberately distorted...
Great question Nathan. I’m going to move quick, please inform me where you may need expanded explanation.
So one thing I’ve learned is it’s almost never actually about the specific content, it’s about what gets plucked in me.
You mentioned the distortions and smoke in the reports. How does it make you feel to not be able to get accurate information?
That is the question I would ask myself, and then I would really explore it by identifying the feeling and then moving my attention to the area in my body awareness that is most obviously activated. And then just be with that as uncomfortable as it is. Without trying to figure it out or change it, just being with it like I would as the detached curiosity of someone else’s perspective on it.
If I lose the focus on that, I just retrigger it by thinking about the ‘distorted information’ again and then moving my attention to the plucked string. Back and forth until I can’t find the “burn” in that charge anymore.
The really cool part of this is there is often some sort of epiphany or realization about the whole situation that emerges and may resolve as that charge dissipates.
So one thing I’ve learned is it’s almost never actually about the specific content, it’s about what gets plucked in me.
You mentioned the distortions and smoke in the reports. How does it make you feel to not be able to get accurate information?
That is the question I would ask myself, and then I would really explore it by identifying the feeling and then moving my attention to the area in my body awareness that is most obviously activated. And then just be with that as uncomfortable as it is. Without trying to figure it out or change it, just being with it like I would as the detached curiosity of someone else’s perspective on it.
If I lose the focus on that, I just retrigger it by thinking about the ‘distorted information’ again and then moving my attention to the plucked string. Back and forth until I can’t find the “burn” in that charge anymore.
The really cool part of this is there is often some sort of epiphany or realization about the whole situation that emerges and may resolve as that charge dissipates.
1
All the world is my mirror. No exceptions.
Anything I am witness to that “causes” any type of reaction in me is only because “that” is also me, in some way. My job is to contend with me, not condemn the reflection. My job is to be curious and careful, how am I also “that”.
It’s often not a one-to-one obvious reflection.
A decade, or more, of this commitment has left me deeply peaceful and only occasionally perturbed.
Responsive, not reactive, and with immense capacity for feeling the full range of emotions as they move through my system.
Naturally, I have come to see that how others may react to me being open and honest in my expressions, is their “stuff”.
With the caveat of great responsibility: it’s not cart blanch to act out or do anything that would be knowingly selfish or harmful to another. I am always working to speak or take action only from an emotionally balanced place.
And yet, I see that I trigger others regularly. Instead of wanting to protect their emotions, I’m deeply curious about what their “string” was that I plucked. The string is the unexamined tension in the system, the vibration of the string is the emotional reaction.
The real work is in navigating this part, because it’s so easy to cross the line into gaslighting them if I don’t tread carefully, compassionately, and slowly.
I must always acknowledge and take responsibility for myself first, is there any part of me triggered right now? If so, I out the emotion and show them my vulnerability, as I uncover why it was plucked and what I’m now doing about it.
If there isn’t anything triggered in me, I still actively and openly look further, so they can see that. Only then, from a truly neutral but curious and compassionate place can I ask them if they are willing to out exactly what I just plucked.
This way of being with my friends has caused many of us to grow so very deeply intimate and open with each other. And has driven away others who would rather blame, than be committed to their own growth.
My current growth edge is in how to approach even casual encounters in this way. A true masterclass, and I’m moving so slowly and carefully in it.
This has been the most interesting, satisfying, and rewarding game I’ve played in life.
Anything I am witness to that “causes” any type of reaction in me is only because “that” is also me, in some way. My job is to contend with me, not condemn the reflection. My job is to be curious and careful, how am I also “that”.
It’s often not a one-to-one obvious reflection.
A decade, or more, of this commitment has left me deeply peaceful and only occasionally perturbed.
Responsive, not reactive, and with immense capacity for feeling the full range of emotions as they move through my system.
Naturally, I have come to see that how others may react to me being open and honest in my expressions, is their “stuff”.
With the caveat of great responsibility: it’s not cart blanch to act out or do anything that would be knowingly selfish or harmful to another. I am always working to speak or take action only from an emotionally balanced place.
And yet, I see that I trigger others regularly. Instead of wanting to protect their emotions, I’m deeply curious about what their “string” was that I plucked. The string is the unexamined tension in the system, the vibration of the string is the emotional reaction.
The real work is in navigating this part, because it’s so easy to cross the line into gaslighting them if I don’t tread carefully, compassionately, and slowly.
I must always acknowledge and take responsibility for myself first, is there any part of me triggered right now? If so, I out the emotion and show them my vulnerability, as I uncover why it was plucked and what I’m now doing about it.
If there isn’t anything triggered in me, I still actively and openly look further, so they can see that. Only then, from a truly neutral but curious and compassionate place can I ask them if they are willing to out exactly what I just plucked.
This way of being with my friends has caused many of us to grow so very deeply intimate and open with each other. And has driven away others who would rather blame, than be committed to their own growth.
My current growth edge is in how to approach even casual encounters in this way. A true masterclass, and I’m moving so slowly and carefully in it.
This has been the most interesting, satisfying, and rewarding game I’ve played in life.
5
If You've Ever Been Called Toxic for Seeing Clearly — That's Their Toxicity Shining Through
You see something they don't. You feel something they've numbed. You choose something that makes them unc...
All the world is my mirror. No exceptions.
Anything I am witness to that “causes” any type of reaction in me is only because “that” is also me, in some way. My job is to contend with me, not condemn the reflection. My job is to be curious and careful, how am I also “that”.
It’s often not a one-to-one obvious reflection.
A decade, or more, of this commitment has left me deeply peaceful and only occasionally perturbed.
Responsive, not reactive, and with immense capacity for feeling the full range of emotions as they move through my system.
Naturally, I have come to see that how others may react to me being open and honest in my expressions, is their “stuff”.
With the caveat of great responsibility: it’s not cart blanch to “act out” or do anything that would be knowingly selfish or harmful to another. I am always working to speak or take action only from an emotionally balanced place.
And yet, I see that I trigger others regularly. Instead of wanting to protect their emotions, I’m deeply curious about what their “string” was that I plucked.
The real work is in navigating this part, because it’s so easy to cross the line into gaslighting them if I don’t tread carefully, compassionately, and slowly.
I must always acknowledge and take responsibility for myself first, is there any part of me triggered right now? If so, I out that and show them my vulnerability.
If there isn’t anything triggered in me, I still actively and openly look further, so they can see that. Only then, from a truly neutral but curious and compassionate place can I ask them if they are willing to out exactly what I just plucked.
This way of being with my friends has caused many of us to grow so deeply intimate and open with each other. And has driven away others who would rather blame, than be committed to their own growth.
My current growth edge is in how to approach even casual encounters in this way. A true masterclass, and I’m moving so slowly and carefully in it.
This has been the most interesting, satisfying, and rewarding game I’ve played in life.
Anything I am witness to that “causes” any type of reaction in me is only because “that” is also me, in some way. My job is to contend with me, not condemn the reflection. My job is to be curious and careful, how am I also “that”.
It’s often not a one-to-one obvious reflection.
A decade, or more, of this commitment has left me deeply peaceful and only occasionally perturbed.
Responsive, not reactive, and with immense capacity for feeling the full range of emotions as they move through my system.
Naturally, I have come to see that how others may react to me being open and honest in my expressions, is their “stuff”.
With the caveat of great responsibility: it’s not cart blanch to “act out” or do anything that would be knowingly selfish or harmful to another. I am always working to speak or take action only from an emotionally balanced place.
And yet, I see that I trigger others regularly. Instead of wanting to protect their emotions, I’m deeply curious about what their “string” was that I plucked.
The real work is in navigating this part, because it’s so easy to cross the line into gaslighting them if I don’t tread carefully, compassionately, and slowly.
I must always acknowledge and take responsibility for myself first, is there any part of me triggered right now? If so, I out that and show them my vulnerability.
If there isn’t anything triggered in me, I still actively and openly look further, so they can see that. Only then, from a truly neutral but curious and compassionate place can I ask them if they are willing to out exactly what I just plucked.
This way of being with my friends has caused many of us to grow so deeply intimate and open with each other. And has driven away others who would rather blame, than be committed to their own growth.
My current growth edge is in how to approach even casual encounters in this way. A true masterclass, and I’m moving so slowly and carefully in it.
This has been the most interesting, satisfying, and rewarding game I’ve played in life.
nostr:nprofile1qy2hwumn8ghj7un9d3shjtnyd968gmewwp6kyqpqrl5hggg44u2jpa0tahn3rv8n9yx2nyjs89g2zlrsly4n0tetphmqa0gnh0 Should we do nothing about the extreme libel, bullying and harassment directed towards...
First of all, I am angered to hear about the bullying. You guys shouldn’t have to contend with that, what you are building to is too important.
There needs to be some other fundamental model for this sort of thing on Nostr. It should be up to us, the supportive community, to protect and defend.
There needs to be some other fundamental model for this sort of thing on Nostr. It should be up to us, the supportive community, to protect and defend.
No man in the history of mankind has ever made a public declaration of love for his woman until this very moment.
Shout it from the rooftops. Every good woman deserves a man who is willing to do so
What’s the most important thing your father passed down to you, intentionally or not?
“That’s very perceptive son”
He was always acknowledging when I noticed important details and the larger patterns.
He was always acknowledging when I noticed important details and the larger patterns.
❤️1
no.
you can have cancer and inattention it all you want and die all the same
you can inattention ice and have them knock on your door
the new age solipism has gotta dial down
prosperity gospel si...
I agree whole heartedly with your observation that ignoring cancer doesn’t make it go away. I’ve seen too many examples of this and similar things to argue.
This points out one of the often misunderstood and poorly explored aspects of attention: Unconscious attention.
Just because we ignore something consciously doesn’t mean we aren’t in a constant state of unconscious attention upon it.
The best way to check where these “hidden attentions” are is to simply explore the things we want or don’t want in our lives, or the world, and notice what sort of emotional reaction happens in the body and the subsequent thoughts, beliefs, or behaviors, that follow.
If we do this, and find we are anything but emotionally neutral and open to possibilities or options, then there is definitely some background process running, unexamined.
I share all this not as a prescription, but as an axiom. It’s a starting place.
To the degree that anyone or anything in the world can trigger me, is the degree that I am shackled and enslaved by that.
My goal is complete sovereignty, to choose the directionality of my life.
This points out one of the often misunderstood and poorly explored aspects of attention: Unconscious attention.
Just because we ignore something consciously doesn’t mean we aren’t in a constant state of unconscious attention upon it.
The best way to check where these “hidden attentions” are is to simply explore the things we want or don’t want in our lives, or the world, and notice what sort of emotional reaction happens in the body and the subsequent thoughts, beliefs, or behaviors, that follow.
If we do this, and find we are anything but emotionally neutral and open to possibilities or options, then there is definitely some background process running, unexamined.
I share all this not as a prescription, but as an axiom. It’s a starting place.
To the degree that anyone or anything in the world can trigger me, is the degree that I am shackled and enslaved by that.
My goal is complete sovereignty, to choose the directionality of my life.