You've nailed it. The observable behavior can look identical, the pause, the withdraw, the flat tone, but the root can be worlds apart. One is a nervous system that's hit its limit and is asking for s...
That distinction you named is one of the finer ones that changes everything — same visible pause, completely different root. I've found the quiet test you mentioned is so telling: when pressure lifts, a system that was overwhelmed softens back toward connection on its own, a strategy keeps score. Naming it that clearly already helps the person in front of you feel safer being seen. Thank you for articulating it so well.
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