In the same way that authors are better off having someone else proof-read/edit their works, nearly every dev is the worst person to QA their code.
In the commercial world, a large part of being a QA...
Yeah it’s surprisingly common for nostr devs to blame users for their complicated implementations. And the psychology part is definitely true. The solution is that devs need to be humble and listen to the feedback. Many of the nostr devs don’t.