Breaking - the Detroit Tigers are 1-0. Based entirely on this box score, I am projecting Tarik Skubal to win 162 games and the Tigers to be undefeatable. This predict will hold until the Tigers lose a game in which case I will declare Skubal a "bum" and repeatedly ask if AJ Hinch "knows what he's even doing out there."

Okay, thanks for your attention in this matter.