This rumination started with a sex party, where I felt I was basically having to not participate in ways I wanted to because I was pretty sure that it would make Bestie/Fox feel like I was getting more attention & she wasn't the center of things, but...

I don't want to participate in sex parties where some specific person expects to be centered. So if we do it again, I'm going to be me, I'm going to do what I want, & it's not my responsibility to manage how someone else feels about me being me.