I don't even necessarily disagree with everything you're saying, but if the privacy Monero provides is like "rats hiding under the floorboards" and "Bitcoin is for people who are fed up with hiding and want to overthrow the system." then why are you talking about no-KYC and coinjoins (means to achieve more privacy)?

Why is the Bitcoin community always seeking methods for increasing privacy whether that is lightning, ecash, liquid, etc?

Your argument would be stronger if you just admit privacy is essential (even if you don't agree with it being at the base layer)