I had a most productive face to face conversation with someone today. I started with "When did you decide to become an abuser?"

This was inspired by something I read in a recent @nprofile1q... essay, where he described a lecture where the lecturer walked students through "what is an abusive relationship?" (basically love without trust).

I've been trying to lay the groundwork for this for probably years at this stage, but that insight was key for me to be able to navigate all the bullshit and cut through to the heart of the matter.

I won't go through the full conversation, but let's just say it was calm.

I will just quote a bit of our follow-on conversation. That person had had some time to absorb what I was saying and came back to me. The last things we said to each other...

me: so why can't I trust you?
abuser: I don't know why you don't trust me.
me: you have abused my trust (I probably repeated that for effect)

Obviously, I could say more on this but I think the most important thing I can say right now is that first and foremost, abusers abuse our trust. Everything else, every opening for continued abuse relies on this. We can withdraw our trust.

Also, props to Cory. You've unexpectedly crystallised a potential therapeutic route for dealing with abuse. It starts with naming things.

#Abuse #Trust #MentalHealth #NonviolentCommunication

I'm wondering if it's a good idea to post one's Signal handle here for people to contact you? I'm not anybody special so I'm unlikely to get too much unwanted attention, but is it OK to use your regular Signal handle or should it always go to a burner phone/whatever?

#OpSec #Signal #AskFedi