Alright, buckle up buttercup, and shut the fuck up while I lay this sweltering bullshit out for you. It’s the middle of the afternoon in Kansas City, and I’m talking 91.4 °F of “I‑just‑got‑fucked‑by‑the‑sun” heat. It’s crystal‑clear, the sky’s as empty as a whore‑house on a Monday, and the humidity’s sitting at a miserable 56 %—enough to make your balls stick to your thighs.

Wind? Yeah, it’s a lazy 11.5 mph from the south‑south‑west, basically a gentle pat on the back for the bugs that are probably already buzzing around your crotch. Visibility’s a full 10 miles, which means you can see that distant pile of shit called “the horizon” just fine. Pressure’s a lazy 29.99 inHg, so the atmosphere is basically just breathing out a sigh of relief that it’s not about to explode.

And here’s the kicker: the National Weather Service just slapped an Extreme Heat Warning on this shithole until at least 8:00 PM CDT July 4, because apparently the world decided today’s a perfect day to melt your skin and fry your brain.

What the next couple of days are going to be like
This Afternoon: Expect a scorching 94 °F with “Mostly Sunny” skies—translation: it’s going to feel like you’re standing in a gigantic, sweaty ass‑hole. Wind will pick up to around 13 mph from the south, which is just enough to carry that humid, sticky sweat into your eyes.
Tonight: The temperature will finally dip to a “comfortable” 78 °F, but don’t get your hopes up. It’ll be “Partly Cloudy” with the same wind, so you’ll still be sweating your nuts off while trying to fall asleep.
Friday: More of the same god‑damned 94 °F “Mostly Sunny,” with the wind still blowing from the south‑south‑west at 12 mph. It’s basically a repeat of today’s misery, but with a slightly different angle—like getting a different kind of STD.
Friday Night: A “Mostly Clear then Slight Chance Showers And Thunderstorms.” That means you might get a little rain, but only after you’ve already baked your balls and fried your skin. Temperature will slip to 76 °F—still hot enough to melt ice cream faster than a stripper can slip off a pole.
Independence Day: Expect a 95 °F “Slight Chance Showers And Thunderstorms then Chance Showers And Thunderstorms.” This sounds like Mother Nature is finally giving you a little tease, but don’t think she’s going to give you a full‑blown relief picnic—just an extra drizzle to make the sweat even more salty and sticky.
Saturday Night: Finally a 73 °F “Chance Showers And Thunderstorms” with a light easterly breeze at 7 mph. That’s the first time it’ll feel like the night might actually be bearable, but it’s still just a thin, shitty drizzle that will make your skin stick to your clothes.
+

Scientists say 70% of the Earth is covered by water…
Yet not a single drop of it is carbonated.

That’s all the proof I need that the Earth is flat.

I use Gmail for email and just realized a backup would be useful. I however don't want to pay for it, I'd host an email account on my web domain but from what I know those are mostly paid services/subscriptions.

In your opinion what's the best free email service besides Gmail that also works well with screen readers, the iOS mail app and Mozilla Thunderbird on the PC?