I'm going to stand outside... So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.


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Why did the dog sleep on the chandelier? Because he was a light sleeper.


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What do you call an animal that goes through your trash and tells great stories? A raccoonteur.


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Balloon's What's a balloon's favorite genre of music? Pop.


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Do you know why one side of the the V formation of geese in flight is longer than the other side? Because It has more geese in it!


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How do you kill a circus? You stab it in the juggler.


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Why did the redditor go to /r/zelda? To boost his link karma!


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What is green, sings and can be found in the fridge? Elvis Parsley


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I went to an ATM... I was at an ATM this morning and this older lady asked me to help check her balance, so I pushed her over.


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Don't you hate jokes about German sausage? They're the wurst!


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What do you call a dead fly? a flew


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Math problem: I had 10 chocolate bars and ate 9. What do I have now? Diabetes.


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