A frog walks into a bank and approaches the teller.

He notices her name badge says Patricia Whack.

He says, “Hello, Mrs Whack. My name is Kermit Jagger. I’m the son of Mick Jagger, the famous singer, and I’d like to take out a loan.”

Patricia looks at him and says, “Well, Mr Jagger, your name alone isn’t enough to secure a loan. I’m going to need some form of collateral.”

So Kermit reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny porcelain pink elephant.

He puts it on the counter and says, “There you go. That’s my collateral.”

Patricia stares at the elephant.

Then at Kermit.

Then back at the elephant.

“I’m sorry, but I have absolutely no idea what this is, and I really don’t think I can accept it as collateral.”

Kermit insists she escalate it and speak to the bank manager.

So Patricia takes the little porcelain elephant into the manager’s office and says:

“There’s a frog out there named Kermit Jagger. He claims he’s Mick Jagger’s son, he wants a loan, and he’s given me this little porcelain elephant as collateral. I have no idea what it even is. What am I supposed to do with this?”

The manager looks at it and says:

“It’s a knick-knack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man’s a Rolling Stone.”

There was a Mexican firefighter who had 2 sons. José and Hose-B

We used to have empires, run by emperors.

Then we kingdoms, run by kings…..

…..Now we just have countries…..

I love telling dad jokes…..

Sometimes he even laughs

A 38year old woman was arrested Friday for attempting to cut off her husband’s penis. Reports say the husband moved just in time and she only cut his thigh….

She was charged with a misdeweiner

Dear work colleagues,

The efficiencies I gain from using AI across pretty much all correspondence, meeting notes and process documentation far outweigh the cringiness, rampant overuse of hyphens and general AI sloppiness that stands out like hairy dog’s balls.

I am aware of it.

I have considered the trade-off.

I don’t give a fuck.

Yours efficiently,
DazGPT

My therapist said I have a preoccupation for revenge…..

We’ll see about that.

Don't ask Pi how many decimal places it has….

You'll never hear the end of it….

This…..

Why do flamingos lift one leg?

Because if they lifted both they’d fall over…..

These first attackers were sloppy. Left fingerprints….

You just pissed off probably the most autistic people in the world.

You’re fucked.