Just coming to terms of my Dad's absence.

For the past few weeks we've cleaned cupboard, drawers and boxes.

The most difficult thing I had to do today was throw away my Dad's slippers. They'd sat beside his chair ever since his death whilst everyone and everything around them changed, but now it was time to move on.

I've been through the sadness, anger, guilt and back to sadness. Grief is a rocky road. You're doing fine and then something will remind you, you'll never be able to speak to them again. For me, I'd just got back from a week away and I caught myself. I couldn't let him know I was back safely!

This realisation hits like a brick to the head and a punch to the gut. I cried, sobbing uncontrollably, but each time it's getting less and less.

That feeling of loss is getting smaller and being replaced with thanks & praise that he was my devoted father and I can proudly say I was his Son.

Still miss him every day. ❤️

My father has died. He passed away recently after a prolonged battle with bowel cancer.
2 years ago upon finding out his prognosis I did something radical. I stopped working as an IT project manager, packed up the family, bought a 7.5t lorry #MegaVan and relocated to ensure whatever time he had left was as comfortable as possible and as his full-time carer ensure wherever was needed to be done was.
He was such a stoic figure, not showing much emotion except laughter and pride in the family, his legacy.
I learnt so much about the man he was before being a father, what inspired him, his passions and what drove him and why he made lifelong sacrifices the way he did.
Whilst I was driving him home from Chemo he thanked me and I replied, I hadn't enough time to be able to repay him for all he had done for me.
He cried, shuddering in sobs.
He quickly wiped his face and hid his emotions.
Later that night he sobbed again "I don't want to go..." he said.
I changed his diet, provided gentle exercise and kept his medications coming. He managed to get to his granddaughters wedding, see 1 last Christmas with everyone and defy the Doctors prognosis, defiantly fighting every step until he was ready to leave on his terms. He had his last meal of mashed potato & cheese, and lashings of gravy (apparently I was the only one person who could do it right!), went to bed slept for 36hrs straight, he chose to stop his medications, and came down stairs for the last time.

24hrs later, he passed peacefully listening to the sounds of the 50's & 60's, surrounded by his children, grandchildren and great grandchildren.

I'll never forget your kindness and love.

Miss you everyday Dad ❤️
#fathersday #love

#MegaVan Update : 35

Sturdy, Safe and Solid!

Built from disgarded shipping pallets, 1000x screws and slats that were originally from the insider of the #MegaVan when she was a Furniture Village transport lorry, the steps are a welcome addition to out plot. It's makes for easy access to and from the living space and so far no one has taken a swan dive out the door!
Adding a few ornamental lavender shrubs outside has already attracted bumble bees who are greedily feasting 🐝🍯

I've had so many requests to build something similar for others, I might set up a sideline 🤔

But1st, back to the bathroom!

#MegaVan Update : 34

12v Electrics and a death dive!

It's been a busy few weeks, the shower cubicle is coming on nicely, panels are cut to size but it's on-hold whilst I make sure the plumbing fixtures are in the rights positions. So, in the meantime I popped the bathroom ceiling in!
Those last panels were tricky and many a expletive were expressed!
😩😡🤬

The bathroom fan and 12v switch was positioned, which is all fed off the toilet fan power and its also linked to the switch controlling a over door outside lights!

So....one dark evening Wife stepped to the #MegaVan to switch on the light and went to step back outside and promptly rocked and fell off the steps!!!
😲😲😲

From inside, I saw her slowly slipping down but was powerless to reach out and catch her! 😬😩

It was about 1m down to the ground but she fell onto the steps and bruised her shin and ankle. She was very lucky as It could have been so much worse!

So all works have focused on building sturdy steps to ensure we can get in and out and not chancing another swan dive to the floor again.

4 pallets and a lot of cladding, voilà steps ! Cost £6.50 for 2 packs of screws.

SAFETY hand rail still to be fitted and another little step for the shorter ones of the family. 😊