I tried to create a Sketchers style Dockers ad.

She pulls him in close, sticks the gun in his face and says, "That's the last time you cheat on me, you MFer!" Then the back of his head explodes and the bullet flies up and out of his head (away from her), and then she slides the gun to the secret service agent.

Talk about a perfect crime.

If you have ever felt like you needed to rip a bong or smoke a blunt at work, but you don't do that, I encourage you to try these teas and tea combos.

#1 - Lemon balm and valerian
#2 - Lemon balm and ashwagandha
#3 - Chamomile and mint

Of course you could drink any one of these ingredients alone, or you can put them all into one big goblet and feel extra nice.

Happy The Terrorists Never Took Our Freedom Day, everyone!

These engines burn jet fuel for hours at a time going hundreds of miles per hour, yet four of them completely disappeared after being burned up by... jet fuel???

Bill Gates said AI is going to end humanity, but I'm more worried about Bill Gates than AI.

Turns out my caffeine abuse and fasting are killing me. I'm prediabetic, and I have some kind of malabsorption problem. This may explain some hair loss and lack of sleep I've been experiencing.

Moral of the story: listen to your wife when she tells you to get blood work done.

And kids, don't do coffee.

If you just made the decision to stop living so lavishly, you could afford a house.

I always thought joining the CIA might be cool. Do I have to convert to Judaism or become a Freemason to join?

The surveillance dystopia really isn't that bad once you get used to it.

It's like an itchy blanket; it's uncomfortable at first, but then you realize it's everywhere all at once, compiling an archive of all your movements, patterns, and behaviors just in case.

My sister sends me all of these "How I left the Amish" videos.

I keep telling her I'm not Amish.