@noahrevoy
Natural Law Senior Fellow @NatLawInstitute
I will show you how to build happy, high trust, intergenerational families.
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Recent Notes
I built an entire SaaS product that is roughly comparable to Kajabi in less than a week using Claude Code in the terminal.
It includes features Kajabi does not have that I specifically need, and it omits features Kajabi has that I do not.
I finished it, ran it locally, and while reviewing it, realized I wanted a few additional features. I described them to Claude. Claude thought about it, proposed an implementation, I agreed, and it built the features. Fifteen minutes later, I was testing them.
If I ask a traditional SaaS company for a feature I need, the odds of it being implemented are close to zero. The odds of it being implemented on a timeline that matters to me are effectively zero. In that model, my product has to adapt to the platform. Here, the platform adapts to my product.
I do not know whether every reader could get the same results. I am not a programmer either. But I am very good at describing exactly what I want, and just as importantly, what I do not want.
In this case, I gave Claude a governing document describing the business logic, followed by a nine step development plan. Each step was several pages long, and Claude was instructed to work through them one step at a time.
If you can clearly describe what you want, how it will be used, and how your business logic works, this approach can produce extraordinary results. If you go to Claude and say, “Make me a website,” it will make you something. It will probably look good. But it will not necessarily be what you want.
This method only works if you are good at thinking clearly and describing your intent precisely.
It includes features Kajabi does not have that I specifically need, and it omits features Kajabi has that I do not.
I finished it, ran it locally, and while reviewing it, realized I wanted a few additional features. I described them to Claude. Claude thought about it, proposed an implementation, I agreed, and it built the features. Fifteen minutes later, I was testing them.
If I ask a traditional SaaS company for a feature I need, the odds of it being implemented are close to zero. The odds of it being implemented on a timeline that matters to me are effectively zero. In that model, my product has to adapt to the platform. Here, the platform adapts to my product.
I do not know whether every reader could get the same results. I am not a programmer either. But I am very good at describing exactly what I want, and just as importantly, what I do not want.
In this case, I gave Claude a governing document describing the business logic, followed by a nine step development plan. Each step was several pages long, and Claude was instructed to work through them one step at a time.
If you can clearly describe what you want, how it will be used, and how your business logic works, this approach can produce extraordinary results. If you go to Claude and say, “Make me a website,” it will make you something. It will probably look good. But it will not necessarily be what you want.
This method only works if you are good at thinking clearly and describing your intent precisely.
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I don't know. Maybe.
I personally had great parents who loved and supported me, and never once said a negative word about their role as parents. Yet I never had any desire for the marriage and family...
Your parents clearly gave you the impression that parenting is drudgery. In reality, it is an incredibly joyful, meaningful, and rewarding experience.
This is not about pretending it is easy. Everything worthwhile requires hard work. Everything. That has always been true.
And it is not only about what parents say. In many ways, what they demonstrate matters more.
I demonstrate to my children every day how much I enjoy being a parent, how much I love them, how much they enrich my life, and how happy I am to be their father.
If your parents had demonstrated to you how good it is to be a parent, and how much of a privilege it is, you would already have your own list of reasons for wanting children. Those reasons might differ somewhat from the reasons our grandparents had, but many of the core reasons are still the same and still present.
That said, historically, not everyone had children. Roughly half of men never did, and about twenty percent of women did not either. So of course, not everyone is going to become a parent.
This is not about pretending it is easy. Everything worthwhile requires hard work. Everything. That has always been true.
And it is not only about what parents say. In many ways, what they demonstrate matters more.
I demonstrate to my children every day how much I enjoy being a parent, how much I love them, how much they enrich my life, and how happy I am to be their father.
If your parents had demonstrated to you how good it is to be a parent, and how much of a privilege it is, you would already have your own list of reasons for wanting children. Those reasons might differ somewhat from the reasons our grandparents had, but many of the core reasons are still the same and still present.
That said, historically, not everyone had children. Roughly half of men never did, and about twenty percent of women did not either. So of course, not everyone is going to become a parent.
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You see these testimonials online from parents who complain endlessly about how miserable parenting was for them. How horrible their children are. How exhausted they are. How much they suffered. How much their children now do not want kids of their own.
What they are really doing is bragging about being unskilled parents. Which is a strange thing to boast about.
That kind of public complaining is not honest reflection. It is terrible parenting. Just as you do not complain about your spouse in front of your children, you do not complain about being a parent in front of your children.
The story you tell about parenting is the story your children absorb about family, responsibility, and the future.
In our house, my wife and I always talk about our children in positive terms. Always. We do not describe them as burdens. We do not call them difficult, exhausting, or hard. We do not frame parenting that way at all.
We talk about the pleasure of having children. We talk about responsibility as a privilege. About how doing hard things can be joyful. As a result, my son sees caring for his younger brothers as something honorable. He wants to do it. He enjoys it. He seeks it out.
Children learn what life is supposed to feel like by watching you. If you tell them that raising children ruins your life, do not be surprised when they decide they do not want children of their own.
The attitude you model about parenting is the attitude your children will carry when it comes time to decide whether to give you grandchildren.
What they are really doing is bragging about being unskilled parents. Which is a strange thing to boast about.
That kind of public complaining is not honest reflection. It is terrible parenting. Just as you do not complain about your spouse in front of your children, you do not complain about being a parent in front of your children.
The story you tell about parenting is the story your children absorb about family, responsibility, and the future.
In our house, my wife and I always talk about our children in positive terms. Always. We do not describe them as burdens. We do not call them difficult, exhausting, or hard. We do not frame parenting that way at all.
We talk about the pleasure of having children. We talk about responsibility as a privilege. About how doing hard things can be joyful. As a result, my son sees caring for his younger brothers as something honorable. He wants to do it. He enjoys it. He seeks it out.
Children learn what life is supposed to feel like by watching you. If you tell them that raising children ruins your life, do not be surprised when they decide they do not want children of their own.
The attitude you model about parenting is the attitude your children will carry when it comes time to decide whether to give you grandchildren.
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Agency is a stack of learned frames. Miss one, and what people call “low agency” emerges automatically.
There are six minimum frames required for a lifelong capacity to generate agency:
1. Impulse Modulation
Ability to feel impulse without obeying it.
2. Emotional Modulation
Ability to feel emotion without distortion, flooding, or hijack.
3. Epistemic Updating
Ability to revise beliefs and strategies when predictions fail.
4. Reality Correspondence
Ability to perceive incentives, constraints, and causality as they are, not as wished.
5. Constraint Subordination
Acceptance of reality’s authority over preference, narrative, or grievance.
6. Responsibility Internalization
Treating outcomes as feedback about your choices rather than external blame.
Developmentally, this usually splits:
Impulse + emotional modulation are primarily trained early (often by mothers).
The latter four are primarily trained through consequence enforcement and reality arbitration (often by fathers).
Both parents can train all six, but someone must train each frame, or it simply doesn’t form.
Each missing frame produces a predictable agency failure mode:
- Poor impulse control → self-sabotage
- Emotional hijack → reactive decision-making
- No epistemic updating → repeating failed strategies
- Weak reality correspondence → fantasy planning
- Refusal of constraint → entitlement conflict
- Externalized responsibility → chronic blame
People experience these failures subjectively as “loss of agency,” the cognitive machinery is incomplete.
I have a book coming out on this planned for 2027.
There are six minimum frames required for a lifelong capacity to generate agency:
1. Impulse Modulation
Ability to feel impulse without obeying it.
2. Emotional Modulation
Ability to feel emotion without distortion, flooding, or hijack.
3. Epistemic Updating
Ability to revise beliefs and strategies when predictions fail.
4. Reality Correspondence
Ability to perceive incentives, constraints, and causality as they are, not as wished.
5. Constraint Subordination
Acceptance of reality’s authority over preference, narrative, or grievance.
6. Responsibility Internalization
Treating outcomes as feedback about your choices rather than external blame.
Developmentally, this usually splits:
Impulse + emotional modulation are primarily trained early (often by mothers).
The latter four are primarily trained through consequence enforcement and reality arbitration (often by fathers).
Both parents can train all six, but someone must train each frame, or it simply doesn’t form.
Each missing frame produces a predictable agency failure mode:
- Poor impulse control → self-sabotage
- Emotional hijack → reactive decision-making
- No epistemic updating → repeating failed strategies
- Weak reality correspondence → fantasy planning
- Refusal of constraint → entitlement conflict
- Externalized responsibility → chronic blame
People experience these failures subjectively as “loss of agency,” the cognitive machinery is incomplete.
I have a book coming out on this planned for 2027.
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Here's your bedtime routine game-changer: spray magnesium oil on your child's feet and legs right before bed. Gently massage it in while you read their bedtime story.
Try it for 5 nights straight and watch what happens. Most parents tell me their kids fall asleep faster and stay asleep longer. Costs less than melatonin gummies and actually works.
Try it for 5 nights straight and watch what happens. Most parents tell me their kids fall asleep faster and stay asleep longer. Costs less than melatonin gummies and actually works.
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Ending your bloodline because you hate the opposite sex is a weird flex.
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Spiritual Americans
There is a very small, almost negligible number of people in the world whom I would call spiritual Americans. These are people who, if they moved to the United States, would look right, act right, and fit naturally into American culture, norms, and demographics in every meaningful way.
That pool is extremely small. There is no vast reservoir of Americans scattered around the world waiting to be imported in order to boost population numbers.
When large numbers of people are imported, what is being imported is not Americans. It is people who bring their own cultures, their own habits, their own ways of organizing society, and their own ideas about governance and morality. Those ideas inevitably shape how they live, how they organize, and how they vote. That outcome is entirely predictable and obvious.
There is only one way to make more Americans.
Americans have to have more children.
There is a very small, almost negligible number of people in the world whom I would call spiritual Americans. These are people who, if they moved to the United States, would look right, act right, and fit naturally into American culture, norms, and demographics in every meaningful way.
That pool is extremely small. There is no vast reservoir of Americans scattered around the world waiting to be imported in order to boost population numbers.
When large numbers of people are imported, what is being imported is not Americans. It is people who bring their own cultures, their own habits, their own ways of organizing society, and their own ideas about governance and morality. Those ideas inevitably shape how they live, how they organize, and how they vote. That outcome is entirely predictable and obvious.
There is only one way to make more Americans.
Americans have to have more children.
Most people misunderstand power in government.
There are only a few true positions of power. In the U.S., there are roughly 800–1,200 elite rulership positions that actually make binding decisions over law, enforcement, courts, budgets, and force.
The President is only one of them, and over time, not the most powerful.
Roughly 10–15% are elected, 45–55% are appointed, and 35–45% are career or institutional roles (judges, senior bureaucrats, regulators, military command).
This means real power is mostly unelected, durable, and appointment-based.
Elections shape legitimacy and direction, but institutions run the country.
Elections alone do not change a country.
Nations rise or fall based on the quality of their institutions, whether they are understood, invested in, defended from corruption, and capable of attracting competent people willing to take responsibility.
If institutions decay, elections become symbolic.
If institutions are healthy, elections matter.
Ignore institutional competence long enough, and collapse becomes a question of when, not if.
There are only a few true positions of power. In the U.S., there are roughly 800–1,200 elite rulership positions that actually make binding decisions over law, enforcement, courts, budgets, and force.
The President is only one of them, and over time, not the most powerful.
Roughly 10–15% are elected, 45–55% are appointed, and 35–45% are career or institutional roles (judges, senior bureaucrats, regulators, military command).
This means real power is mostly unelected, durable, and appointment-based.
Elections shape legitimacy and direction, but institutions run the country.
Elections alone do not change a country.
Nations rise or fall based on the quality of their institutions, whether they are understood, invested in, defended from corruption, and capable of attracting competent people willing to take responsibility.
If institutions decay, elections become symbolic.
If institutions are healthy, elections matter.
Ignore institutional competence long enough, and collapse becomes a question of when, not if.
That ability to constructively deal with conflict seems to behave much like a rubber band which, once snapped, is nearly impossible to repair without outside intervention. Especially considering the a...
Yes, its loss in the marriage can signal the end if not fixed quickly.
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One of the clearest indicators of a dysfunctional marriage is not the presence of conflict, but the absence of a workable method for resolving it.
Conflict is inevitable in any marriage. What determines stability is whether disagreements can be processed productively rather than allowed to accumulate.
Couples with even very serious problems, money, sex, extended family, parenting, can remain highly stable if they have a reliable way to resolve conflict. Over time, issues get addressed, renegotiated, or adapted to, and alignment is restored.
By contrast, couples who begin highly aligned but lack conflict-resolution capacity tend to deteriorate. Each unresolved disagreement adds friction; resentment accumulates; communication degrades; and eventually the couple deviates so far from one another that the marriage breaks down.
This is why, in practice, no substantive marital issue can be solved before conflict resolution is solved.
Chores, finances, and life logistics are unsolvable if a couple cannot even have a structured disagreement without escalation or withdrawal. Until conflict becomes productive, every problem threatens the relationship itself rather than contributing to its improvement.
Conflict is inevitable in any marriage. What determines stability is whether disagreements can be processed productively rather than allowed to accumulate.
Couples with even very serious problems, money, sex, extended family, parenting, can remain highly stable if they have a reliable way to resolve conflict. Over time, issues get addressed, renegotiated, or adapted to, and alignment is restored.
By contrast, couples who begin highly aligned but lack conflict-resolution capacity tend to deteriorate. Each unresolved disagreement adds friction; resentment accumulates; communication degrades; and eventually the couple deviates so far from one another that the marriage breaks down.
This is why, in practice, no substantive marital issue can be solved before conflict resolution is solved.
Chores, finances, and life logistics are unsolvable if a couple cannot even have a structured disagreement without escalation or withdrawal. Until conflict becomes productive, every problem threatens the relationship itself rather than contributing to its improvement.
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Avoid hardening your woman
Facing suffering, hardship, tests, trials, violence, and struggles makes us men more masculine and tough.
We grow up and get better by doing hard things.
Women are not like us. They are not meant to face the harshness of the world.
Both men and women grow up to maturity through taking on responsibilities. However, the optimal set of responsibilities that causes a man to grow up and the set that causes a woman to grow up are different.
Women mature by carefully guarding their value from damage or erosion. Protecting the fragile nature of femininity and learning to transmute the raw value men provide into even more valuable things (a house into home, food into a mean, sperm into a baby, etc.).
Women have three times the touch sensors in their thinner, softer skin. Their bones are more fragile, they have less muscle mass, and their more sensitive CNS can't take the same stimulation as ours. They need more sleep than we do. Estrogen causes emotional rollercoasters.
Women are the "weaker vessel."
Almost every young woman is feminine. It's in their nature. But a harsh life, a lack of fatherly protection, fending off attention from low-value men, battling with men in the workplace, or facing the same challenges that make a man better will beat that lovely softness out of her.
We are not the same.
Masculine men want a sweet, soft, feminine woman. But you can't have that if you assign her a role in the family that overburdens her and causes her to be in a masculine frame for hours a day, leaving her exhausted.
Women are capable of being very tough, but the cost or doing that is giving up their femininity.
Yes, it's not fair. Your woman needs better treatment than you do. Just as your children need even better treatment than she does. If that bothers you, marriage, women, and children are not for you.
None of this is about providing her with luxury. Women don't need luxury to be feminine and its likely to be harmful to them and your children in the long term. You also don't need to spend large amounts of money to care for her. Money can help, and outsourcing support for your wife is a viable solution when you lack a supportive extended family. For example I have hired a full-time maid for my wife for several years now.
Giving your wife good treatment is about how you interact with her and the world you create for her. Are you a source of leadership, authority, protection, comfort, strength, and support for your wife? Do you help her when she is overwhelmed? That's the way to care for a woman.
Both men and women thrive when we have a cognitive load to carry, but the optimal load tends to differ. While there is overlap, women do best when they are busy, loaded up, and responsible for things that appeal to women and are suited to their strengths, feminine things.
Let her be busy with the useful things she is best suited for.
If you are a woman reading this, please pay attention to the men you date and their attitudes about taking care of their women and eventual children. If you need help evaluating a man, DM me with the details, and I will give you expert advice.
Facing suffering, hardship, tests, trials, violence, and struggles makes us men more masculine and tough.
We grow up and get better by doing hard things.
Women are not like us. They are not meant to face the harshness of the world.
Both men and women grow up to maturity through taking on responsibilities. However, the optimal set of responsibilities that causes a man to grow up and the set that causes a woman to grow up are different.
Women mature by carefully guarding their value from damage or erosion. Protecting the fragile nature of femininity and learning to transmute the raw value men provide into even more valuable things (a house into home, food into a mean, sperm into a baby, etc.).
Women have three times the touch sensors in their thinner, softer skin. Their bones are more fragile, they have less muscle mass, and their more sensitive CNS can't take the same stimulation as ours. They need more sleep than we do. Estrogen causes emotional rollercoasters.
Women are the "weaker vessel."
Almost every young woman is feminine. It's in their nature. But a harsh life, a lack of fatherly protection, fending off attention from low-value men, battling with men in the workplace, or facing the same challenges that make a man better will beat that lovely softness out of her.
We are not the same.
Masculine men want a sweet, soft, feminine woman. But you can't have that if you assign her a role in the family that overburdens her and causes her to be in a masculine frame for hours a day, leaving her exhausted.
Women are capable of being very tough, but the cost or doing that is giving up their femininity.
Yes, it's not fair. Your woman needs better treatment than you do. Just as your children need even better treatment than she does. If that bothers you, marriage, women, and children are not for you.
None of this is about providing her with luxury. Women don't need luxury to be feminine and its likely to be harmful to them and your children in the long term. You also don't need to spend large amounts of money to care for her. Money can help, and outsourcing support for your wife is a viable solution when you lack a supportive extended family. For example I have hired a full-time maid for my wife for several years now.
Giving your wife good treatment is about how you interact with her and the world you create for her. Are you a source of leadership, authority, protection, comfort, strength, and support for your wife? Do you help her when she is overwhelmed? That's the way to care for a woman.
Both men and women thrive when we have a cognitive load to carry, but the optimal load tends to differ. While there is overlap, women do best when they are busy, loaded up, and responsible for things that appeal to women and are suited to their strengths, feminine things.
Let her be busy with the useful things she is best suited for.
If you are a woman reading this, please pay attention to the men you date and their attitudes about taking care of their women and eventual children. If you need help evaluating a man, DM me with the details, and I will give you expert advice.
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