@noahrevoy
Natural Law Senior Fellow @NatLawInstitute
I will show you how to build happy, high trust, intergenerational families.
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Recent Notes
I built an entire SaaS product that is roughly comparable to Kajabi in less than a week using Claude Code in the terminal.
It includes features Kajabi does not have that I specifically need, and it omits features Kajabi has that I do not.
I finished it, ran it locally, and while reviewing it, realized I wanted a few additional features. I described them to Claude. Claude thought about it, proposed an implementation, I agreed, and it built the features. Fifteen minutes later, I was testing them.
If I ask a traditional SaaS company for a feature I need, the odds of it being implemented are close to zero. The odds of it being implemented on a timeline that matters to me are effectively zero. In that model, my product has to adapt to the platform. Here, the platform adapts to my product.
I do not know whether every reader could get the same results. I am not a programmer either. But I am very good at describing exactly what I want, and just as importantly, what I do not want.
In this case, I gave Claude a governing document describing the business logic, followed by a nine step development plan. Each step was several pages long, and Claude was instructed to work through them one step at a time.
If you can clearly describe what you want, how it will be used, and how your business logic works, this approach can produce extraordinary results. If you go to Claude and say, “Make me a website,” it will make you something. It will probably look good. But it will not necessarily be what you want.
This method only works if you are good at thinking clearly and describing your intent precisely.
It includes features Kajabi does not have that I specifically need, and it omits features Kajabi has that I do not.
I finished it, ran it locally, and while reviewing it, realized I wanted a few additional features. I described them to Claude. Claude thought about it, proposed an implementation, I agreed, and it built the features. Fifteen minutes later, I was testing them.
If I ask a traditional SaaS company for a feature I need, the odds of it being implemented are close to zero. The odds of it being implemented on a timeline that matters to me are effectively zero. In that model, my product has to adapt to the platform. Here, the platform adapts to my product.
I do not know whether every reader could get the same results. I am not a programmer either. But I am very good at describing exactly what I want, and just as importantly, what I do not want.
In this case, I gave Claude a governing document describing the business logic, followed by a nine step development plan. Each step was several pages long, and Claude was instructed to work through them one step at a time.
If you can clearly describe what you want, how it will be used, and how your business logic works, this approach can produce extraordinary results. If you go to Claude and say, “Make me a website,” it will make you something. It will probably look good. But it will not necessarily be what you want.
This method only works if you are good at thinking clearly and describing your intent precisely.
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I don't know. Maybe.
I personally had great parents who loved and supported me, and never once said a negative word about their role as parents. Yet I never had any desire for the marriage and family...
Your parents clearly gave you the impression that parenting is drudgery. In reality, it is an incredibly joyful, meaningful, and rewarding experience.
This is not about pretending it is easy. Everything worthwhile requires hard work. Everything. That has always been true.
And it is not only about what parents say. In many ways, what they demonstrate matters more.
I demonstrate to my children every day how much I enjoy being a parent, how much I love them, how much they enrich my life, and how happy I am to be their father.
If your parents had demonstrated to you how good it is to be a parent, and how much of a privilege it is, you would already have your own list of reasons for wanting children. Those reasons might differ somewhat from the reasons our grandparents had, but many of the core reasons are still the same and still present.
That said, historically, not everyone had children. Roughly half of men never did, and about twenty percent of women did not either. So of course, not everyone is going to become a parent.
This is not about pretending it is easy. Everything worthwhile requires hard work. Everything. That has always been true.
And it is not only about what parents say. In many ways, what they demonstrate matters more.
I demonstrate to my children every day how much I enjoy being a parent, how much I love them, how much they enrich my life, and how happy I am to be their father.
If your parents had demonstrated to you how good it is to be a parent, and how much of a privilege it is, you would already have your own list of reasons for wanting children. Those reasons might differ somewhat from the reasons our grandparents had, but many of the core reasons are still the same and still present.
That said, historically, not everyone had children. Roughly half of men never did, and about twenty percent of women did not either. So of course, not everyone is going to become a parent.
1
You see these testimonials online from parents who complain endlessly about how miserable parenting was for them. How horrible their children are. How exhausted they are. How much they suffered. How much their children now do not want kids of their own.
What they are really doing is bragging about being unskilled parents. Which is a strange thing to boast about.
That kind of public complaining is not honest reflection. It is terrible parenting. Just as you do not complain about your spouse in front of your children, you do not complain about being a parent in front of your children.
The story you tell about parenting is the story your children absorb about family, responsibility, and the future.
In our house, my wife and I always talk about our children in positive terms. Always. We do not describe them as burdens. We do not call them difficult, exhausting, or hard. We do not frame parenting that way at all.
We talk about the pleasure of having children. We talk about responsibility as a privilege. About how doing hard things can be joyful. As a result, my son sees caring for his younger brothers as something honorable. He wants to do it. He enjoys it. He seeks it out.
Children learn what life is supposed to feel like by watching you. If you tell them that raising children ruins your life, do not be surprised when they decide they do not want children of their own.
The attitude you model about parenting is the attitude your children will carry when it comes time to decide whether to give you grandchildren.
What they are really doing is bragging about being unskilled parents. Which is a strange thing to boast about.
That kind of public complaining is not honest reflection. It is terrible parenting. Just as you do not complain about your spouse in front of your children, you do not complain about being a parent in front of your children.
The story you tell about parenting is the story your children absorb about family, responsibility, and the future.
In our house, my wife and I always talk about our children in positive terms. Always. We do not describe them as burdens. We do not call them difficult, exhausting, or hard. We do not frame parenting that way at all.
We talk about the pleasure of having children. We talk about responsibility as a privilege. About how doing hard things can be joyful. As a result, my son sees caring for his younger brothers as something honorable. He wants to do it. He enjoys it. He seeks it out.
Children learn what life is supposed to feel like by watching you. If you tell them that raising children ruins your life, do not be surprised when they decide they do not want children of their own.
The attitude you model about parenting is the attitude your children will carry when it comes time to decide whether to give you grandchildren.
3
Agency is a stack of learned frames. Miss one, and what people call “low agency” emerges automatically.
There are six minimum frames required for a lifelong capacity to generate agency:
1. Impulse Modulation
Ability to feel impulse without obeying it.
2. Emotional Modulation
Ability to feel emotion without distortion, flooding, or hijack.
3. Epistemic Updating
Ability to revise beliefs and strategies when predictions fail.
4. Reality Correspondence
Ability to perceive incentives, constraints, and causality as they are, not as wished.
5. Constraint Subordination
Acceptance of reality’s authority over preference, narrative, or grievance.
6. Responsibility Internalization
Treating outcomes as feedback about your choices rather than external blame.
Developmentally, this usually splits:
Impulse + emotional modulation are primarily trained early (often by mothers).
The latter four are primarily trained through consequence enforcement and reality arbitration (often by fathers).
Both parents can train all six, but someone must train each frame, or it simply doesn’t form.
Each missing frame produces a predictable agency failure mode:
- Poor impulse control → self-sabotage
- Emotional hijack → reactive decision-making
- No epistemic updating → repeating failed strategies
- Weak reality correspondence → fantasy planning
- Refusal of constraint → entitlement conflict
- Externalized responsibility → chronic blame
People experience these failures subjectively as “loss of agency,” the cognitive machinery is incomplete.
I have a book coming out on this planned for 2027.
There are six minimum frames required for a lifelong capacity to generate agency:
1. Impulse Modulation
Ability to feel impulse without obeying it.
2. Emotional Modulation
Ability to feel emotion without distortion, flooding, or hijack.
3. Epistemic Updating
Ability to revise beliefs and strategies when predictions fail.
4. Reality Correspondence
Ability to perceive incentives, constraints, and causality as they are, not as wished.
5. Constraint Subordination
Acceptance of reality’s authority over preference, narrative, or grievance.
6. Responsibility Internalization
Treating outcomes as feedback about your choices rather than external blame.
Developmentally, this usually splits:
Impulse + emotional modulation are primarily trained early (often by mothers).
The latter four are primarily trained through consequence enforcement and reality arbitration (often by fathers).
Both parents can train all six, but someone must train each frame, or it simply doesn’t form.
Each missing frame produces a predictable agency failure mode:
- Poor impulse control → self-sabotage
- Emotional hijack → reactive decision-making
- No epistemic updating → repeating failed strategies
- Weak reality correspondence → fantasy planning
- Refusal of constraint → entitlement conflict
- Externalized responsibility → chronic blame
People experience these failures subjectively as “loss of agency,” the cognitive machinery is incomplete.
I have a book coming out on this planned for 2027.
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Here's your bedtime routine game-changer: spray magnesium oil on your child's feet and legs right before bed. Gently massage it in while you read their bedtime story.
Try it for 5 nights straight and watch what happens. Most parents tell me their kids fall asleep faster and stay asleep longer. Costs less than melatonin gummies and actually works.
Try it for 5 nights straight and watch what happens. Most parents tell me their kids fall asleep faster and stay asleep longer. Costs less than melatonin gummies and actually works.
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Ending your bloodline because you hate the opposite sex is a weird flex.
Avoid hardening your woman
Facing suffering, hardship, tests, trials, violence, and struggles makes us men more masculine and tough.
We grow up and get better by doing hard things.
Women are not like us. They are not meant to face the harshness of the world.
Both men and women grow up to maturity through taking on responsibilities. However, the optimal set of responsibilities that causes a man to grow up and the set that causes a woman to grow up are different.
Women mature by carefully guarding their value from damage or erosion. Protecting the fragile nature of femininity and learning to transmute the raw value men provide into even more valuable things (a house into home, food into a mean, sperm into a baby, etc.).
Women have three times the touch sensors in their thinner, softer skin. Their bones are more fragile, they have less muscle mass, and their more sensitive CNS can't take the same stimulation as ours. They need more sleep than we do. Estrogen causes emotional rollercoasters.
Women are the "weaker vessel."
Almost every young woman is feminine. It's in their nature. But a harsh life, a lack of fatherly protection, fending off attention from low-value men, battling with men in the workplace, or facing the same challenges that make a man better will beat that lovely softness out of her.
We are not the same.
Masculine men want a sweet, soft, feminine woman. But you can't have that if you assign her a role in the family that overburdens her and causes her to be in a masculine frame for hours a day, leaving her exhausted.
Women are capable of being very tough, but the cost or doing that is giving up their femininity.
Yes, it's not fair. Your woman needs better treatment than you do. Just as your children need even better treatment than she does. If that bothers you, marriage, women, and children are not for you.
None of this is about providing her with luxury. Women don't need luxury to be feminine and its likely to be harmful to them and your children in the long term. You also don't need to spend large amounts of money to care for her. Money can help, and outsourcing support for your wife is a viable solution when you lack a supportive extended family. For example I have hired a full-time maid for my wife for several years now.
Giving your wife good treatment is about how you interact with her and the world you create for her. Are you a source of leadership, authority, protection, comfort, strength, and support for your wife? Do you help her when she is overwhelmed? That's the way to care for a woman.
Both men and women thrive when we have a cognitive load to carry, but the optimal load tends to differ. While there is overlap, women do best when they are busy, loaded up, and responsible for things that appeal to women and are suited to their strengths, feminine things.
Let her be busy with the useful things she is best suited for.
If you are a woman reading this, please pay attention to the men you date and their attitudes about taking care of their women and eventual children. If you need help evaluating a man, DM me with the details, and I will give you expert advice.
Facing suffering, hardship, tests, trials, violence, and struggles makes us men more masculine and tough.
We grow up and get better by doing hard things.
Women are not like us. They are not meant to face the harshness of the world.
Both men and women grow up to maturity through taking on responsibilities. However, the optimal set of responsibilities that causes a man to grow up and the set that causes a woman to grow up are different.
Women mature by carefully guarding their value from damage or erosion. Protecting the fragile nature of femininity and learning to transmute the raw value men provide into even more valuable things (a house into home, food into a mean, sperm into a baby, etc.).
Women have three times the touch sensors in their thinner, softer skin. Their bones are more fragile, they have less muscle mass, and their more sensitive CNS can't take the same stimulation as ours. They need more sleep than we do. Estrogen causes emotional rollercoasters.
Women are the "weaker vessel."
Almost every young woman is feminine. It's in their nature. But a harsh life, a lack of fatherly protection, fending off attention from low-value men, battling with men in the workplace, or facing the same challenges that make a man better will beat that lovely softness out of her.
We are not the same.
Masculine men want a sweet, soft, feminine woman. But you can't have that if you assign her a role in the family that overburdens her and causes her to be in a masculine frame for hours a day, leaving her exhausted.
Women are capable of being very tough, but the cost or doing that is giving up their femininity.
Yes, it's not fair. Your woman needs better treatment than you do. Just as your children need even better treatment than she does. If that bothers you, marriage, women, and children are not for you.
None of this is about providing her with luxury. Women don't need luxury to be feminine and its likely to be harmful to them and your children in the long term. You also don't need to spend large amounts of money to care for her. Money can help, and outsourcing support for your wife is a viable solution when you lack a supportive extended family. For example I have hired a full-time maid for my wife for several years now.
Giving your wife good treatment is about how you interact with her and the world you create for her. Are you a source of leadership, authority, protection, comfort, strength, and support for your wife? Do you help her when she is overwhelmed? That's the way to care for a woman.
Both men and women thrive when we have a cognitive load to carry, but the optimal load tends to differ. While there is overlap, women do best when they are busy, loaded up, and responsible for things that appeal to women and are suited to their strengths, feminine things.
Let her be busy with the useful things she is best suited for.
If you are a woman reading this, please pay attention to the men you date and their attitudes about taking care of their women and eventual children. If you need help evaluating a man, DM me with the details, and I will give you expert advice.
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