I love the idea of men as protectors, it’s a task that they are generally well suited to. Men in general are taller, have more upper body strength, etc. And a very honorable thing to do with physical strength is to protect others.

However, men actually doing protecting is pretty rare, at least in my life experience. The most common way that a man, who in theory wants to be a protector, fails to protect, is by not believing that there is a threat to protect from.

I have known so many men in my life that I’m pretty sure are not predators themselves, and who in many areas of life are decent and reasonable people, that for some reason shut down on this topic.

Unfortunately, being sexually assaulted is very much the norm for women in the world. It has certainly been my experience in life, and also the experience for nearly 100% of the women that I know. And it’s not just anecdotal data here, there are just mountains and mountains of studies that all tell this story as well. The evidence is overwhelming.

When I talk to these men about these things I do not accuse them personally of any wrong doing. I do not say ugly things about men in general. I do not advocate the removal of any rights from men. When I am talking to these men I am looking for understanding, but that seems to be the one thing they can’t give. They just shut down and go into defense mode and I don’t know why.

So if you have any idea, please please tell me, why are there so many seemingly decent men out there who can not/will not see this reality? What is going on here?

I hate the phrase "nothing good happens after midnight."

My dear, do you have any idea how many of the most amazing moments of my life happened after midnight!?!?!

“Reenactment” or “repetition compulsion” is the unconscious tendency to recreate circumstances, relationship dynamics, or emotional patterns that mirror past traumatic experiences.

I first learned about this behavior pattern in the context of sexual assault trauma or romantic relationship dynamics, but I think it actually applies to quite a lot of things. For example, political debates.

It often happens where someone is very aggressive in their stance while I am trying to deescalate and have a real conversation. I will perhaps find something to agree with them on but they will then mock me for that. And I’m just thinking, O, you don’t want understanding or agreement, you want a fight! You want to be angry and to yell at me! No doubt this person didn’t do a good job of standing up for themselves or their beliefs in some other time and place, and now they are attempting to correct that by reenacting that fight with me, and really sticking it to their opponent this time!

Ya, that’s not much fun to be around. But once you see it….

I don't like the collectivist language here. I didn't fight to get paid, at least not in this life, that happened well before my time. But I am so very grateful to the women that did fight to get paid, cuz yes, women and mothers have always worked.