I read that Elton John has bought a treadmill for his pet rabbit.

It's a little fit bunny...

A salesman rang the bell of a house, and a nine-year old boy answered. He had a lit cigar in one hand, a glass of whisky in the other, and was wearing women's stockings.

"Evening. Is your mother at home?" asked the salesman.

"What the fuck do you think?" replied the boy.

Farmer goes out to his field one morning only to find all his cows frozen solid. As far as the eye can see are cows, motionless like statues.

It had been a cold night but he’d never thought anything like this would happen. The realisation of the situation then dawned on him. With his entire livestock gone how would he make ends meet? How would he feed his wife and kids? How would he pay the mortgage? He sat with his head in his hands trying to come to terms with his impending poverty.

Just then an elderly woman walked by. “What’s the matter?” asked the old lady. The farmer gestured toward the frozen cows and explained his predicament to the woman.

Without hesitation the old woman smiled and began to rub one of the cow’s noses. After a few seconds the cow began to twitch and was soon back to normal and chewing the cud.

One by one the old woman defrosted the cows until the whole field was full of healthy animals. The farmer was delighted and asked the woman what she wanted as a repayment for her deed. She declined his offer and walked off across the field.

A passer-by who had witnessed the whole thing approached the farmer.

“You know who that was don’t you?” asked the passer-by.

“No,” said the farmer.

“Thora Hird"

My wife is humouring me after I took the world cup news badly last night 😁