They should invent a year that's good

The pattern is not a coincidence

Youngest finally made me sit down and watch Spirited Away with her. And it was brilliant. Mad and gorgeous. If you haven't seen and you weren't sure - do it. X

Word to the wise - do not keep leftover olive oil in a glass next to your glass of lemonade when you're distractedly scrolling on your phone. 👍 🤮

Does anyone know how to join the Illuminati? I am available if anyone knows any of them. I'm happy to make the teas, am morally flexible and am happy to come up with shadowy plans of global domination.

I quite LITERALLY don't care what anyone is doing or thinks on twitter. There is nothing I need to know from any person who chooses to engage with that site. They have zero value to me. I do not respect them. There are no exceptions. If you think of someone that might be, you are wrong. You cannot justify feeding a vehicle that causes catastrophic harm and pain.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA FFS

Watch: Tesla unveils ‘flying’ sports car with rocket boosters

https://www.independent.co.uk/tv/news/tesla-flying-car-roadster-video-b3067936.html

I have been in the Cotswolds all week on a business thing, because I am a business man. Business! But srsly I've had to be a grown up all week. Bit weird. Was in a cohort of two dozen people where I was the only manager so everyone has been treating me with respect and deference, whilst 100% making fun of me and calling me names behind my back. It was pretty good. As long as people are always nice to my face and pretend to be super interested in everything I have to say - honestly I'm fine with it. At one point I genuinely thought to myself.... 'I am a really interesting person actually and these people are genuinely interested in me!'. I subsequently realised I am a dickhead. However I took some nice pics and managed to go for a sunrise run both yesterday morning and this morning like an insufferable legend. X

Do you think it's more terrifying that there's a sort of evil cabal at the centre of things, driving capitalism relentlessly forward at the cost of humanity and our home, racing forwards to an inevitable doom, burning every resource for a brief moment of superior comfort over their peers before they die, with no empathy for others or the legacy they leave behind for future generations. Or that no one has any control. The only people able to achieve any form of real power are so self-serving and mired in their own lives, it's inconceivable to them they would have to stop and look around, taking a pause from the incessant grind of stepping on the corpses of their competitors, climbing their tower of bones just to survive, in order to do something to help another. We're all locked in a perfect system. The only people who have the tools to help don't have any power. And those in power lack the necessary basic tools to do anything. Anyway.... with any luck there will be a new Spider-Man out soon and all of this will be forgotten. Night all! X

Ruin a book by adding a word

The EVIL Bible
Captain Corelli's Mandolin Hammer
Pride and Racial Prejudice
The Problematic Godfather
The Great Big Gatsby
The Count Dracula of Monty Cristo
The Lord of the Penis Rings
Black Beauty Pageant
Watership Down Syndrome
The Erotic Tale of Peter Rabbit
The Secret Murder Diary of Adrian Mole
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Massacre

(reckon I've improved some NOT ALL of these tbh)

Definitely real massive science news just dropped