Damus
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Sigma
@Sigma
Dear spiders in my room,

I tolerate you for exactly one reason: You kill mosquitoes. That’s your sole purpose of being here. There’s quite a lot of you as well.
So tell me: How is it I still get stung in the most annoying places imaginable? How is I have to go mosquito hunting at 4 am because their buzzing is preventing me from sleeping?

Let me be blunt: I don’t like you. If you are not doing your job properly, I will get rid of you.

Consider this a final notice: Step up your game! Now!

Sincerely,
Sigma