Men, when things get tense in your marriage, and they will, think of yourself as the thermostat in the room.

Not the thermometer.

A thermometer just reflects the temperature. Whatever's happening, it matches it. She raises her voice, you raise yours. Tension climbs, you climb with it. You're not leading anything, you're just measuring the damage as it happens.

A thermostat sets the temperature. It doesn't react to the room, it decides what the room becomes. Cold air comes in, it kicks on the heat. Things get hot, it cools it down. Either way it's doing something on purpose.

That's the job. Not suppressing what you feel, not going numb, actually choosing the temperature you bring into the room instead of matching whatever's already in it. Most guys never make that choice. They just get carried by the moment and call it honesty.

Be the thermostat.