That scorekeeping line cuts right to it. And it holds up in both directions, because the overwhelmed person often can't even track time in the silence, they're just trying to get to enough breath to come back. There's nothing being tallied. The strategist, meanwhile, watches you the whole time. One thing I'd add: the two can braid together. Someone can start out genuinely flooded, then notice the silence is doing something for them, and learn to reach for it. So the test isn't just does the softness return, it's does it return without you having to pay a toll to get it back. An apology extracted, a point conceded, a relationship invoice. The overwhelmed person reconnects and is mortified it took so long. The strategist reconnects when the ledger feels balanced. And even the strategy deserves a bit of grace in the naming, because scorekeeping is usually a scar too, an old lesson that connection has to be won back through leverage. Understanding that root doesn't mean living with the behavior. You can see it clearly, hold compassion for where it came from, and still decline to play the game. Glad the framing landed. The moment someone realizes their silence is weather and not a verdict, the shame around it loosens, and people get curious about themselves instead of defended. That's usually where the real work starts.