this account still mostly write-only.

+/+. said plenty the past few days. paying in this and likely future lifetimes for my faustian bargain w/pharma & ethnobotanicals.

recently: sleep 8, up 36, sleep 12, up 18, sleep 3, up. this is 100% not doing me any favors but it's what happens when I'm deep in the yellow zone with autistic burnout and have shit to do.

now to bounce all around on public transit, interact for 0.75 days with unfamiliar boomers, and then, finally, sensory rest.

first time I've been hit by the ADHD medication shortages that have been going on in the USA for several years... I've been extraordinarily lucky with that so far, but it's because I take a less common formulation which is hit by shortages less often.

annoying, though, to say the least.

this account still mostly write-only, which should end within a week at most due to lower sensory load starting on Friday.

mood: somehow back to "+" already. the drugs work, what can I say.

energy: in the "+" regime but tired from being up all night 1 day ago and exercising my body yesterday for the first time in weeks by walking a mile with 10+ kg of gear on my back.

got stuff to do today. onward.

this account still mostly write-only.

I'm on a deathmarch to gtfo toward my next catsitting gig.

mood inverting to "-". I gained enlightenment 2y late. it's bleak as fuck. I get it now.

anyway I lost my best friend 4y ago (his bday was yesterday) and most of my means of coping, my mutual activating & eye-on-the-ball regime, and my venue for parallel engagement in the sapient work of continuous bootstrapping is still just … gone.

energy? who knows +/-. that's what drugs are for.

good, good, LinkStack doesn't support URLs with custom schemes (e.g. bitcoin) and CrowdBucks is dead. so much for federated options. tagging @Blurry Moon, sorry if you replied to my earlier mention about this, I haven't looked at mentions yet.

this account still write-only.

don't have new donate page up yet after realizing Coindrop is dead. probably today. I got exhausted after liveblogging my autism symptoms. once recovered spent my energy on laundry, dishes, recycling, evacuation of sci projects from fridge.

mood: by some unfathomable grace, still "+". it threatened to turn last night but didn't.

energy: seems to have clawed back to low "+"? the weird early-mid-wake metabolic low was less intense yesterday.

I just forgot what ZIP code I live in for a solid minute. in case anybody was wondering about an example of cognitive impacts of #AutisticBurnout.

logged in to Ko-Fi to fix some shit as a result of Coindrop being abandoned. it asks for my ZIP code. drew a blank. info I use on a daily basis, gone. then when I recalled it a minute later it didn't seem right and I had to verify with a web search.

it's not possible to do knowledge work in this state. you can't fake having baseline brain function.

I desperately need to read my mentions but I'm literally having problems managing to eat sufficiently and on time. so it'll happen when it does. could be this afternoon. could be in 3 weeks. I've been saying that for 3 weeks.

this is how I have to live when I can't meet my basic sensory needs for a sufficiently long time. #ActuallyAutistic

apparently the guy running Coindrop abandoned it so my fucking donate link is down.

perfect. just what I need.

I'll reply here with my donate info when I can gather the life force to get it together. so probably in the next hour.

@Blurry Moon btw. relevant to the idea of a fedi answer to Coindrop. I know we've talked about such a thing. Coindrop has been on life support for ~3 years at this point and now appears dead. I was gonna write you a spec doc but my entire 2026 has been badly off the rails.

this account still write-only.

mood still somehow "+" which if I could only convey what a testament this is to the power of pharmacology, I would. but you'll have to take my word, and understand that it comes at a very high cost.

energy, unsure + or -, but if that weird metabolic-seeming low hits, it should within about an hour. then I'll know.

need to restart daily routines yet again, respond to a couple critical priority messages (about work), eat, clean up nearby messes.

fell off the wagon of attempting to rebuild daily routine yesterday. fortunately sleep/wake timing didn't get any worse but that was sheer luck.

the simple fact is I'm beyond the limit of my ability to keep the wheels on with no access to quiet or solitude. this is all downstream of losing my only opportunity to recharge so far this year due to a scheduling snafu where I was unexpectedly double booked for catsitting in June, which tells you how thin a margin I live on as it's now October.

went thru transition turbulence and settled at +/- for the time being.

so, more or less euthymic but exhausted, low stamina, sluggish, drowsy, and mentally slow; in some ways mildly impaired, even.

there seems to be a metabolic low happening a couple hours after I wake. then as usual I start to sharpen up at night. got 1 more day successfully not staying up far too late compared to goal, so hopefully my sleep/wake cycle will continue converging on target over the next few days.