Went travelling in Germany and wound up shagging a bartender for a few nights, he knew I was from the UK, but I gave him my cousins name rather than my own. She's spent the last month wondering why a random foreigner keeps messaging her on Facebook and wanting to visit her.

My brother's an economist and it's truly embarrassing to be in a group with him when he introduces himself as a scientist. There are aspects of science in economics but it's pretty weak stuff, almost homeopathic.

Visiting my racist aunt in her sheltered housing, met a geezer in the foyer with a load of Reform leaflets.
I pretended to be a Reform man and offered to help deliver them, so he gave me almost 200.
I threw them all into a skip

I'd met a man in a gay club and gone back to his place for some together time. It went well, then his sister brought us tea and toast in bed the next morning. And that's how I met my wife. She still makes an excellent cup of tea.

My new boss is a 29 year old former graduate, absolutely hates his job, doesn't want to be here and is never around. He just leaves me to get on with things. Does exactly what I say and doesn't question anything. I'm 57 and he's hands down the best manager I've ever had

I love the smell of library books - I borrow several every two weeks just to smell them - the librarian thinks I'm an avid reader and I have to give vague answers when she talks about the plots etc of the books I'm returning.

Pretty sure my husband takes longer having a shit, than he does having a shower. Haven't timed it because I'm scared it could be the beginning of the end

Saw a profile on a dating app for a man who admitted or claimed to have become infertile from mumps. Couldn't work out if he was being admirably honest and making himself vulnerable or using it as a hook for something nefarious. Didn't match with him just in case.

I hang my husband's clothes on the inferior lower bars of the clothes horse, and hang my clothes on the superior upper bars. I think it dries and airs my clothes faster and better.

I once left my 3yr old lad in his pushchair down an aisle of a Tesco Express and walked home. Literally only realised when I pushed the front gate. Managed to retrieve him and the situation without anyone knowing.

Add your fess: http://b3ta.com/addfess

Ashamed to admit that a couple of weeks ago, aged 46, I realised that birds are classed as animals. A week or so later, joking with some friends and my wife about it, I said that at least I definitely know that fish aren't animals. Apparently they are also animals.