Damus

Recent Notes

Fesshole 🧻 profile picture
Just completed financial crime and fraud training online for work, can claim 30 mins for training time. It's my area of expertise so I did the course in 5 mins including the quiz, and will claim 30 mins, which is "fraud".
Fesshole 🧻 profile picture
My partner kept complaining about the bedroom temperature. I bled the radiators, checked the thermostat, etc, still got grief. Put a connected thermometer in there and wrote a script to poll it every couple of hours and write it to a file. I can never use this evidence.
Fesshole 🧻 profile picture
I'd always planned on getting a job in a funeral directors' business as I like quiet and expected that dead people wouldn't keep yakking on. I had no idea how many living people I'd need to work with. Needless to say, they all wanted to prattle on, so I left.
Fesshole 🧻 profile picture
I stay in hotels regularly for work. Every night without fail, on retuning from the bar, I reverse every single 'do not disturb' / 'please make up my room' sign that I come across while walking to my own room.
Fesshole 🧻 profile picture
I had kids around 30. My best friend had his around 40. He spent those 10 years having a great time, holidays etc. Used to rub it in as I was stuck at home. Now my kids are flocking the nest and he's knee deep in shitty nappies and soft play, . Not so funny now is it you cunt.
Fesshole 🧻 profile picture
When I get a 2FA sent to my phone, I imagine that I'm saving the world from a disaster. I memorise the code and type it fast. I celebrate when I get it done in just a few seconds. Then I imagine spies watched the whole thing and were impressed and need me on their spy team.
Kévin ⏚ · 3w
nostr:nprofile1qy2hwumn8ghj7un9d3shjtnyd968gmewwp6kyqpqnk4wcn5hdzw6yec9lsxmz75ltvznktgs48jeyqvgrfx48fe4t2nq5g3e6m tell them you’re the epic sax guy and you’ll be fine
Fesshole 🧻 profile picture
Care home worker here. Residents getting handsy is all in a day's work but I had one well-off widowed gentleman who would always ask first. Apparently I was the only one who said yes because he left everything to me and not his children who never visited.
Fesshole 🧻 profile picture
My neighbour has very loud, pornstar like sex once the pubs have shut at weekends. Our bedroom windows are 2 feet apart, so I have to hear it in full HD. I've resorted to playing Baby shark through my speaker on the window ledge to ruin the mood.
Fesshole 🧻 profile picture
Was interested in a girl in my class but was too shy to ask her out so I found out where she lived and shopped for groceries so I could arrange "accidental" meetings. Reorganised my schedule a lot for that. I stopped because she knew nothing about Star Trek.
Fesshole 🧻 profile picture
I'm a 58-year-old widowed dad of two kids and a golden retriever. My kids, youngest is 8, think I might have a bowel condition. Truth is I frequently say I need the toilet just so I can sit down and have five minutes' peace. Currently sitting on the toilet writing this.