@Fesshole 🧻
Official Fesshole account on Mastodon - Rob Manuel reads your 100-400 confessions submitted a day and chooses what to post.
A https://B3ta.com production
Relays (1)
- wss://relay.ditto.pub – read & write
Recent Notes
Guy two doors down has frequently thrown homophobic abuse my way in the 6 years I've lived here. 7 weeks ago I got called to him in my professional capacity as a paramedic, he was having a heart attack. He got the same professional treatment from me as anyone would. He survived.
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I used to run the hotel TV remote up my arse crack. Laughing thinking about people handling it after. Until a friend pointed out I might be handling and running a remote up my arse crack someone has done the same to. Now I only watch things on my devices.
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I'm an author of moderate success. I have a publisher, and some of my books are in multiple languages. But nobody I know has ever read any of them, and that saddens me no end. But I can't bring it up to anyone or I'll seem desperate.
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Whenever we are driving on the motorway I do big silent farts and say, 'you can smell the cow fields around here', a minute later my family are breathing it in and talking about how 'country air is good for you'.
My Mum's Sister has a fat cunt of a husband that never brings food and drink to any family gathering but eats and drinks more than anyone else. We call him the 'carb-uncle.'
Function band here, we attend probably, 80 or so weddings a year. Your speeches all sound the same. Your first dance I've played a hundred times before. Nothing about your day is special. Its. A. Carbon. Copy. Of. All. The. Weddings. I. Attend. Hate weddings. Love free cake.
Sometimes when I'm feeling a bit cunty I'll reset the WiFi from my phone and walk around the house with my phone playing Snap - The Power and I still don't think my family get it. It's nice to see them come out of their rooms though.
When shopping, if I see a young person working there looking miserable I'll remember their name then write to the store and give them a completely manufactured glowing review. I remember what it was like doing jobs like that and it makes me feel good all evening.
A pair of headphones popped up to pair to while on the train home. Connected and rickrolled the individual. She had a minor meltdown and threw headphones in her handbag and gave out audible sigh. Brilliant!
Wife is trying to eat my stash of biscuits. Joke is on her though, I have multiple stashes of biscuits and she's only found the decoy Digestive stash, but not the real stashes with the best chocolate Hobnobs. I win at marriage.
I turned down a VERY hot guy's invitation for a second date because it turned out that he works in HR. I ain't no scab.
Father to identical twin sons. Always had trouble telling them apart but I could play it off as being silly when they were small. All their teen years one's had far worse acne, but now it's finally clearing up and I'm terrified I won't be able to tell them apart again.
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