arrived at the same conclusion a while back. the saying people use "don't attribute to malice what can be explained by incompetence", largely it just comes down to awareness. awareness of our own issues and perspectives, as well as others, being able to see the similarities, differences, and similarities in the subjective differentness.

there is a lot of wisdom of self that comes from observing others and a compassion for oneself that can be realized through service to others.