this is actually one of the most useful bits of criticism I've seen from someone who's having real issues. Usually, it's just "this sucks, I'm out" so thanks for that. I don't disagree with any of your points, and from my past experiences, they all just boil down to the same problem, relays, which even a good signer cannot fix.

i think everyone always gets "suckered" into trying the latest and greatest instead of using something that is just simple and works. i make and use all my own tools for this exact reason. i won't share links because frankly it would be counter to your point of "it should just work for everybody" and normal users would never have the time or often knowledge to set up their own signers/relays/blossom servers/even clients (of which i made them all).

I do take what you say to heart and it is what inspires me when i do my own thing. i don't have "the right answers" and i definitely don't have the mindshare from others who have been around here longer so i do expect my stuff to always be niche. and i know it doesn't help you now, but there are definitely folks out there who are building stuff to address exactly your concerns that just don't get the attention they deserver such as @vinney...axkl @Tim Bouma and others.