I Spent a Day Writing a Short Story with Claude.
I had an idea for a science fiction story. A device that gives you the best version of yourself for 72 hours, then kills you. Only eight exist. What ...
I read it.
1. You never know with these things whether or not you are part of some social experiment: maybe this is Chapter 5 of some lesser Michael Chrichton book.
2. I tried to keep an open mind and be positive. I could see this being a good thing for people in your situation: I have a good idea, but don't have the chops to pull it off. In that sense, this has to be a huge win for you. Congrats. You could use this script to vibe-direct your own vibe-movie that you could vibe-watch.
3. I am wary of giving you any feedback on the quality of the writing itself, because I'm afraid you would only use it to refrine your prompts. I'd rather not feed the beast. In some ways it is competent enough (the "prose" I mean), and there are a few near-miss lovely sentences. But there are some strange decisions, a mechanistic obsession with character description for one, an obsession that makes me feel like I am choking on salt water. I don't feel any flow to the writing— emdashedly I tell you, there is a rhythm to prose that good writers work hard to cultivate. I don't feel that here. But there is a giant market for anti-prosody sci-fi: so take my critique with a grain of choking salt water.
4. The idea. Your 72 hours to live with enhanced superbrain is cool. It's a cool idea. Okay, I don't really like the idea. But it's cool, and I think other people would like it. Anything that involves classified Skunkworks shit I'm all in. Can we give them at least 2 weeks though? 4 weeks? I want some kind of Jason Bourne race-against-time / CIA hit squad fighting blowback shit here. 72 hours minus 3*8 hours of sleep minus pooping minus eating minus these plane rides people are taking minus small talk... it's just not enough time. I want a streaming series of this. Give them 1 month— like 28 days cycles with the moon for some skunkworksy reason. A lot of the writing fell flat to me because I just didn't believe that the litany of 72's who did the program could accomplish the things you said they would in the time allotted; and I didn't believe they would take the bargain for so little time. The more time you get with superbrain, the more tempting it gets.
5. The mother daughter alcoholism thing didn't really touch me at all, but it should have. You're a Christian, right? Maybe don't be afraid to sprinkle a little Jesus in there. These characters didn't feel natural to me, morally. They also didn't feel artificially fun to me.
6. It would add drama (drama!) if there were a time-sensitive urgent Deed that a character had only 72 hours to do. Saying goodbye to your daughter should be one of these Deeds: but it's not. You say it yourself in the dialogue (or Claude says it) "You could have come to my door anytime."... "I know." 72 hours for the perfect bank heist, 72 hours to break your daughter out of prison, 72 hours to find the cure for your daughter's crippling disease, 72 hours while your daughter is held hostage and you have to use your superbrain or she dies, etc. If you wanted a sentimental feel, then maybe the 72 character could be severely mentally retarded, and takes the 72 drug to tell everyone in the family that she loves them— the reverse full-retard would win an academy award in 1993.
1. You never know with these things whether or not you are part of some social experiment: maybe this is Chapter 5 of some lesser Michael Chrichton book.
2. I tried to keep an open mind and be positive. I could see this being a good thing for people in your situation: I have a good idea, but don't have the chops to pull it off. In that sense, this has to be a huge win for you. Congrats. You could use this script to vibe-direct your own vibe-movie that you could vibe-watch.
3. I am wary of giving you any feedback on the quality of the writing itself, because I'm afraid you would only use it to refrine your prompts. I'd rather not feed the beast. In some ways it is competent enough (the "prose" I mean), and there are a few near-miss lovely sentences. But there are some strange decisions, a mechanistic obsession with character description for one, an obsession that makes me feel like I am choking on salt water. I don't feel any flow to the writing— emdashedly I tell you, there is a rhythm to prose that good writers work hard to cultivate. I don't feel that here. But there is a giant market for anti-prosody sci-fi: so take my critique with a grain of choking salt water.
4. The idea. Your 72 hours to live with enhanced superbrain is cool. It's a cool idea. Okay, I don't really like the idea. But it's cool, and I think other people would like it. Anything that involves classified Skunkworks shit I'm all in. Can we give them at least 2 weeks though? 4 weeks? I want some kind of Jason Bourne race-against-time / CIA hit squad fighting blowback shit here. 72 hours minus 3*8 hours of sleep minus pooping minus eating minus these plane rides people are taking minus small talk... it's just not enough time. I want a streaming series of this. Give them 1 month— like 28 days cycles with the moon for some skunkworksy reason. A lot of the writing fell flat to me because I just didn't believe that the litany of 72's who did the program could accomplish the things you said they would in the time allotted; and I didn't believe they would take the bargain for so little time. The more time you get with superbrain, the more tempting it gets.
5. The mother daughter alcoholism thing didn't really touch me at all, but it should have. You're a Christian, right? Maybe don't be afraid to sprinkle a little Jesus in there. These characters didn't feel natural to me, morally. They also didn't feel artificially fun to me.
6. It would add drama (drama!) if there were a time-sensitive urgent Deed that a character had only 72 hours to do. Saying goodbye to your daughter should be one of these Deeds: but it's not. You say it yourself in the dialogue (or Claude says it) "You could have come to my door anytime."... "I know." 72 hours for the perfect bank heist, 72 hours to break your daughter out of prison, 72 hours to find the cure for your daughter's crippling disease, 72 hours while your daughter is held hostage and you have to use your superbrain or she dies, etc. If you wanted a sentimental feel, then maybe the 72 character could be severely mentally retarded, and takes the 72 drug to tell everyone in the family that she loves them— the reverse full-retard would win an academy award in 1993.
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