Today marks the second month of me being OFF three previously important poisons in my life: cannabis, beer (and all other alcohol, though beer was my only drink) and--surprise, surprise--coffee. I use "poison" here as a label or category for myself only as i know many will agree or disagree with those that 'made the list', as well as not choosing for others or judging others for what is a poison, or should (don't should yourself) be, to them.
I realise it is early days yet and that i am not speaking with over confidence or bragging. I am in the fragile, delicate part of this journey given that i have been at it--especially the marijuana--for many, and most, of the decades of this life! I also speak with care so as not to jinx myself since i have gone without the weed for at least 4 months in the past--at least during those times when i COULD HAVE easily obtained it--and surpassing that length of time will be some kind of other milestone. Rather, the reasons for my communication to you, dear reader, is so that by sharing this, i strengthen my will, stay on track, reveal some level of detail of my challenge & life, and through the vulnerability of sharing, keep myself honest and share my "progress".
It is a real tradgedy that cannabis has been made legal where i live given how many shops--on near every corner of larger cities--now sell it and make it available to folks. It is evident that the dear gov who loves us so much is pushing (pun intended) and encouraging the degeneration of people. Though i am glad that the legalization, or maybe it is decriminalization (because there is some kind of mafia, favoritism, gated, permissioned, licenced, racket, fake competition,... involved in the current legal cannabis environment) has increased comunication about the plant and sub-culture, as well as not sending people to jail for a plant (from the little that i know at least). It is also sad that much of the mom and pop, small scale or cottage industry (read decentralized, underground: similar pattern to Bitcoin) economy which previously provided cannabis has disappeared. Seems like a similar pattern and degenerative spiral as the excoriation of the real, smaller ecconomy during Covid-1984.
The real work (my Great Work; thank you Joanna Macy), the challenge before me, is not so much keeping away from the aforementioned 3 poisons, staying clean--as that is the relatively easy, easier, part-- but that which was hidden, numbed, avoided, postponed, procrastinated and which lay below it. I was: forgetting things; losing things; not being as compassionate as i could have been; regretting some of what i said to people or posted online; not actually accomplishing things which i really wanted and needed to do; staying in the wanting and dreaming rather than the doing; degraded, diminished & avoided communication with family and friends. There were also regular signs or thoughts which appeared telling me i was on the wrong path as well as not feeling good about what was happening, like that i was living the opposite of what i deeply wanted--the demonic inversion. Wasted was the time, money, gas for driving and vehicle wear and tear going to the store to buy beer. And i only dare bought as much as i would drink that day; could not keep more than what was sensible to drink. Talk about being on a high time preference.
I actually always like the clarity, focus and energy--physical, spiritual--that i got from being sober and this has exponentially been increasing since early July when i started on this path. There is so much for me to accomplish and realize that there is no time to waste with those poisons as they drain me and do not feed my best. Treating my body as the temple it is is my new direction. And i also have other posions that need cleaning, eliminating or being evicted from my life. I am also noting the importance of needing to be more social and being encircled by those that support and live a similarly clean and encouraging lifestyle or vibe. Finding regular, better, interesting and valued work has alse helped immensely. Go to what excites you is also another quote that i am following and allowing to gain momentum. I am also encouraged that i DO NOT have to be stoned, drunk or buzzing on coffee to have the bright ideas, creativity and clarity of thought and action that i once thought. It is naturally withing me already! And i am building on that.
See you at my next update.
#addiction
#cannabis
#marijuana
#coffee
#PGW
#PersonalGrowthWork
#alcohol
